A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My bf is 23 and I'.m 22. We've been together 2+ years.Las Saturday I foun out through a friend he hd an affair for 4 months(feb 2012-may 2012) but it was over. I was upset. I also found out he had a one night stand the day before,Friday. I called the ons chick and she keeps blowing uo his phone sending book text. Anyway.he broke down and sad I was too good. Woman and didn't deserve to be hurt and all he's doing is hurting me lately.he said he doesn't know why he's hurtn the only woma that ever really loed or cared for him. He sad he left the woman(4 month affair) because, while the se was good I was the better woman all around ad would make the better mother to his children. I was mad about the cheating andin a fi t I deleted the pictures of the other wmen. He FLIPED! He spent $150 n a program tl get them back. I fet so bad fr betraying his trust, I helped him get the pictures back! He says he loves me. He dropped me off at home Thursday he asked I I had his home phone. I said no and he said "get ur phone and take it.call it if you need anything" he said he was turning his iphone on airport to stop getting the ons womans text.I'm moving the 23rd of july and he asked if I needed help moving or the money for the first months rent. He said he need "some time to think about things". Kissed me and left.Question..if he was gonna break up, why give me his home phone? Why ask if I needed help moving and offer to pay the rent? Do you think he took the cowards way of breaking up or does he really want to think and assess his life? I haven't heard from him since he dropped me off and its killing me not to call his house.I even deleted his nber in my phone to avoid the tempation! I love him and only want him hppy, hopeflly he wants to be happy with me :/
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2012): Well I didn't help him with his work or respond back to him. He just called and said he was sorry. He just needed time alone to calm down because he didn't want to scream at me or me see him upset. I asked him our relationship status & if he broke up with me and he said "no, I don't want to break up with you". He said he missed me and he was so mad at himself for getting upet about the pictures. He said he understands why I did it and HE (supossedly) deleted them to make me feel more comfortable. He said he would do anything to make up everything to me & not do it again. He also is seeing a therapist this Tuesday. He also said the email was to see how respsonsive I was to him, to test the waters.
A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (9 July 2012):
 He cheated on you and then he DUMPED you. Those are facts. So what if he says he loves your or cares about you? What's so special or so significant about those words? Wouldn't you rather have a man that didn't whore around and a man that wouldn't drop you like a hot potato? Anyone and everyone can say anything they like. I could tell someone I love them right now. But if I take a shit on them and tell them I love them, they would be fools to believe it.
"Question..if he was gonna break up, why give me his home phone? Why ask if I needed help moving and offer to pay the rent?"
Because he may be feeling guilty. Maybe he is trying to look like a decent human being after cheating on you. In either case, you haven't heard from him. He hasn't contacted you to ask you how you were doing. He hasn't contacted you to ask you for forgiveness. He hasn't contacted you to tell you that he would like to work on your relationship. He just contacted you to ask you look over his lab homework. So the contact has a purpose and that purpose is to help him. It's not about you. He is using you and I hope you wake up and smell the coffee
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (8 July 2012):
 It means he uses his sweet words as currency in exchange for your services. I don't think you should help him. I bet he says the same things to the other woman. The other woman thought it was a relationship too, and was sad he ended it so she bombarded his phone with messages.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2012): Hey this is the question poster.
I woke up this morning and had an email from him that said. "i hope yourele doing ok.i miss you." and then he asks me to look over his bio lab and make sure its right..
Does this mean hes had enough 'time to think' or does he just want help with his school work?
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (8 July 2012):
 First, you can't destroy other people's property. This is what you did when you went on his computer and started deleting things. No matter how wrong it is or how disloyal, you can't touch his stuff. *He* has to delete these things himself.
Second, why are you still with him? He cheated on you more than once, and this isn't distant past. You should break up with him, and to not do so is to roll over and take it. This wasn't some one-time drunken slip-up. He carried on a prolonged arrangement with someone else, as well as sleep with another person. This is a serial cheater.
Your path is clear. To not break up with him is to bury your head in the sand.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (8 July 2012):
 Quite frankly, this man is not much of a boyfriend!
Why did he give you his home number and ask if you need help with moving expenses and paying the first month's rent in you new home. I think because he had a guilty conscience - although as Janniepeg says it might have been courtesy - or a combination of both.
In any case, why would you want to be with someone who is willing to mess you around so much? He wasn't thinking of you or your relationship with him when he had sex with this other woman over four months and then a one-night stand. He's just interested in getting his "itch" "scratched"; never mind about his (supposed) commitment to you.
Never mind about wanting HIM to be happy! - How about YOUR happiness and what is best for you in your life?!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (8 July 2012):
Okay, he left the woman but there was no clarification of where your relationship is. You shouldn't forgive him. He cheated because he's not thinking about you at all. I bet his mentality was that he was ready to lose you before he cheated. The help with moving and the rent is just courtesy. What about thinking and asessing your life? Why do you want to be with a man who prefers sex with others? Time to think about things mean he still wants you to be available in case he needs you. Of course he will be happy with this arrangement, but you have to think about your happiness too.
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