A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi Everyone. I need help getting to the bottom of my feelings. My partner and I split up in February after just over 4 years together. After quite a few conversations in between then and now, we decided to try and make it work again. He was the one though that texted me after the split and was desperate to try and sort things out between us. I really didn't know what to do as although we get on really well, I'd lost something from the relationship and in my feelings for him. We didn't live together but both have children from other relationships. He's also 46 and I'm almost 39. We've been back together now since the beginning of September and I know it seems so daft that I know we get on really well and he really does think the world of me but I really don't know if I can give him the same back. He says he loves me and I really can't say it back! I really can't get back to the way we used to be (going out with the kids etc) and seeing each other whenever we could. I somehow find myself making excuses not to see him and I know that can't be right. I really can't get the feelings back that I need to make the relationship work - I see him now as a male friend somehow when we are together but I can't feel that same physical attraction for him that I once did no matter how I try.How can I get to the bottom of my feelings - I really don't want to hurt him but I'm not sure I could spend the rest of my life with him either. Do I carry on for the time being and see if the feelings return? Many thanks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2007): I am not sure if your feelings are that unusual. I had a partner once that went through the same thing as you. I was young and thought I was missing out on something, and you know even today I wonder whether I made the right decision not to try a bit harder. I let it go and I can honestly say I regret it.
I remember that I was feeling that I was not being true to the relationship and feeling like I was not as committed as he. The problem was I didn't realise until it was too late that I perhaps made a hasty choice.
Relationships change with time, stress and day to day boredom. You have also had some time alone to "quite like it!"
Just give it a little more time, I would be honest with him that your feeling a bit funny however and not quite settled. It is important that if you do give it more time you let him know whats going on, it's his life too!
Good luck
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