A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:ok im so confused. Theres a lad whos a mate of mine that seems to have some sort of problem in talking to me... i don't know why its so weird.Like if we are alone at college in a morning before other people will get there he'll probably talk for a while like ask what i've been doing or tell me something that he's done or has happened. The thing is we went out the other night me him and a mate of ours, now what i'm about to tell you about the way he don't talk to me as much, hes always like this with me.Its like he walked up to us started talking to this other lad didn't really say hi to me but when we went in to where we was going he just looked at me..Also like he messes around with his mates like winding them up nicely n just generaly messing about..he won't do that with me.Also, ok they are lads ut he wil just ramble on about random stuff to them but won't with me. If i try to talk to him he will talk back but we don't say much or he just does that little friendly laugh but the thing is there in the past people have caused a lot of problems for us and so we haven't always spoke a lot but i've noticed he does that laugh now alot!!i don't understand i mean hes not a really loud person or anything but you can just tell a difference and times like at college talking to people at dinner or going out at dinner, he will even go with the ones in the class he doesn't really like. But not me! =(Like when we went out the other day he text this other lad that was going to make sure he was deffo going. i just thought he's only come for you..I don't get it i really don't i keep thinking he finds me boring and im not its just i never know what to say to him and he;s told this lad that he never knows what to say to me although he seems to everyone else. I don't wnat him to find me boring.. we have had afew good time sin the past and once at a gig we were like best mates he was always with me and messing about with me and stuff.i want to be really good friends with him but this is the thing how can we ever be at this rate! Its like he'll talk to the ones hes just friends with yet he says he loves me as a mate.(and two others in the class but he talks to them fine)
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male
reader, Harry Castle +, writes (16 March 2009):
 Boys, and even some men, get tongue-tied and ill at ease with women they fancy, especially in front of their mates - they don't want them knowing how much they really care, because they'll be afraid of having the p**s taken out of them by their mates.Also, he feels safer and not under pressure when he is with his mates, so he takes the easy option and goes off with them - or talks past you and to them (another form of disguise of feelings).When you are alone, nobody else can see him and he can relate to you a little more, but not as openly as you or even he would wish.Try to explain to him, gently, that you understand all of this and of your feelings, too. But be careful how you put things: the male ego is a delicate thing at the best of times and you could frighten him away with too much "girliness".Keep trying, there's a caring person in there somewhere!Harry.
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