A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am in love with a guy who loves me too but the problem is that he has a girlfriend who is in university at the moment and she has been gone for 3 years. He says he loves both of us and we spend a lot of time togther. Am so confused i don't know whether i should go on with this relationship or not
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female
reader, Manya  +, writes (20 August 2007):
I can see why you're confused, as Anonymous wrote, the sense of him being also with his other girlfriend will totally confuse how you feel about him and could intensify feelings that might otherwise not bear the light of day.I'm sure he also loves you, as you say, but what happenswhen she returns from University? if she's been gone for three years, he must've gotten pretty lonely. So now he's started up with you! It's hard to say what will happen when she returns, but one of you isgoing to be very hurt. To me, it sounds like a bad scene. I agree that you should take a break from him to regainyour sense of self. He might be relieved about this, too,as he must be feeling pretty confused himself! Spendtime with parents and friends and maybe even flirt witha few guys to remember you're a great lady!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2007): It is possible that he feels love for you both - however one is based on loyalty to his girlfriend at university (and the guilt that entails) and the other is based on a mixture of lust and comfort (you). However, having been in a similar situation myself with a man at work, I speak from experience when I say that you should attempt to have a break from him. When you are with someone who cannot fully be yours, it makes you anxious and heightens the sense of adventure and longing. This can make you feel deeply in love with someone and almost unable to imagine life without them by your side. A break (of more than two weeks - I suggest a month, with no contact at all) will be very painful at first, but during the second week, you will see things from a clearer perspective. You don't say how old you are, but I am 29 and, until recently, was with a man who I loved, who said he loved me, but was living with someone who he said he loved but wasn't 'in love' with. I wasted three years on him before finally realising that I could never have him. If he is to be yours, then you must be without him for a while and one of two things will happen a)he will realise that he loves you and contact you to tell you so or b)he will stay with her. Either way, the decision must be his and you cannot make it for him. Don't you deserve to come first in someone's life? I know it is very difficult, but trust me, you really don't want to waste your life on someone who cannot make a decision about something so serious. Sometimes we have to go through pain to realise the things that are important to us, and remember that you must be your own best friend.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (20 August 2007):
 Hi
I would lose the guy, you deserve someone that gives you his full attention to be honest.
C xxxxxx
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