A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:he admitted that he slept with a woman who had herpes in the past. that was before he met me. we have not had sex yet. he doesn't want to get tested i am not going to have sex with him. it's a pity because otherwise he is a good man. he says he doesn't have herpes but i want proof. i am not willing to take the chances he took. do you think that i am doing the right thing? i just don't want to trust him blindly. i don't want a disease.
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female
reader, juz me +, writes (12 December 2010):
where are you from? Are you from NC. You dont have to tell me what part but are you from NC and his name start with a T. Im just curious because my girlfriend had a guy here where I live to tell her the samething, so im wondering if its the same guy....
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (11 December 2010):
 He can be symptomless but still carry the disease. The only way to find out is to swab an open sore to see culture, or do a blood test to see if there's antibodies to the virus. There is a strong stigma to it, that only promiscuous people have it. When you think about it, it could be transmitted when some virgin got cold sore on her lips and did a bj on her virgin boyfriend. It could be just as simple as getting a cold from someone. It can be very hard to get in a relationship when you have herpes but when it's the right person you can accept it. He has to agree to use condoms all the time, even that's not 100% safe. To love is to risk. Besides medication, a healthy lifestyle with lots of fruits, vegetables and less chocolate and nuts will also help keep the virus away. I guess he doesn't want to get tested because if he's found to be positive then you will dump him. But if you don't find the results you won't have sex with him. So by not going to the doctor he's testing your limits. Before it was a don't ask don't tell policy. Since he told you about his past he has no excuse but to get tested. It's unlucky we get sick one way or the other, but it's important that you still show him some dignity. A person without herpes is not better than a person with herpes. In the end you have your choice to stay with him or not, because you don't sound like you are bind to him yet.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2010): You should not have sex with him. He probably told you that because he knows the has it but he wanted to see how you would react if he did. He wanted to see if you would be dumb enuf to have sex with him and chance getting the desease so that he would have a partner that he can do it with without giving her the desease and risk the consequences. where are you from. Are you from NC. You dont have to tell me what part but are you from NC. Because I know another guy that has done the same thing here in my neck of the woods.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2010): I agree he must be tested and show the results to you. But if you really love him, it's wrong to discount him as a 'life partner' because of a physical thing of which he might be victim...
-Tante Victoire
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A
female
reader, Mjfbla +, writes (11 December 2010):
 Make him get tested! YOu dont want to get anything and while you want to trust him he could just be lying.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (11 December 2010):
 good move on your part. Once someone contracts herpes they always have it for all time. Though the attacks may lessen and he may have no symptons. If it is in his blood he will always have it. But if he has no visible sores he is not going to infect you. But the sores can be so tiny and just about to erupt. So how horrible if you got it that way. Yes, if he has a very colorful sexual history, then yes, a blood test to exclude all STD.
At least it was good he warned you about his earlier encounter with the girl with herpes. Many men do not. Because if she had Herpes she could also have also had genital warts. Or Chalmydia - a leading cause of infertility. But often all these STD have no outward symptons. Except the genital warts - who wants little bumpy knobs sticking out all over the lady bits? Yuk!
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (11 December 2010):
 *tested*
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (11 December 2010):
Are we talking genital herpes? Is this man your boyfriend, someone you're dating? One would be more than aware if they had genital herpes. Although it can be treated with medication, herpes is a life long viral disease. I would definitely being demanding he be tested if he wants to have a sexual relationship with you. I would also require to see papers from the doctor/clinic he got tested at.
Personally, if you're put off by the idea he has herpes (I don't blame you) then I would move on from this man. Chances are he has it, if he's refusing to get tasted. Just tell him thanks, but no thanks.
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