A
female
age
36-40,
*rokenheart87
writes:I'm a single mom, I'm 23 and I've been dating this guy that I've known (not intimately) for 2 years. We've been dating for a month. He said that he loved me first and he's told my daughter that he loves her. I believe that he's truly genuine and that he does love us. He works out of town 90% of the time in profession. To get to the point he called me last night first at 11pm and told me that he was flirting with other chicks but wasn't cheating on me and then called me again at almost 4am and told me that he had been flirting with girls all night but didnt touch any of them and didnt dance with them or cheat on me and that he had gotten in a fight. I think he may have a drinking problem because he calls me alot drunk, last night was no exception, he was drunk the first time he called me. Do you think that he cheated on me or do you honestly believe he didn't cheat on me? We've both been cheated on before (not by each other) and both of us agree that if you're going to cheat on the other person it'd be better to call and break up with the person instead of cheating on them. So did you he just feel guilty about flirting with these other girls, or did he cheat?
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female
reader, brokenheart87 +, writes (17 November 2010):
brokenheart87 is verified as being by the original poster of the question I am going to have a talk with him this weekend when he comes home and probably tonight. I really don't mind the flirting all that much as long as that was all it was, because in my line of work I have to flirt to make sales quotas, in his line of work not so much. Thank you for all the input :) I hope I can resolve this quickly and as painlessly as possible!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2010): So he goes out, gets drunk, flirts with other girls, feels guilty, rings you.
I have just been through this very same issue.
I think that the best thing to do is for you to take an assessment about what you want and about what you find acceptable within a relationship and how you are feeling. Can you live with this going on?
Going out with your mates for a drink is not the same as flirting with other girls.
Personally, I found that I could not live with it, I got suspicious, verging on paranoid, hurt and miserable that basically there he was chatting and flirting with every other female around town except me.
To have spent two years getting to know him maybe you know him best, but if you have been more seriously dating for a month then surely you should be feeling special not suspicious.
Maybe if you talk it through with him and let him know how you feel (hard though it may be) it will be better than ignoring this issue, because if this carries on I suspect that there will be a build up of bad feeling that will harm any future relationship that you may or may not have with this man.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (17 November 2010):
 I don't know if he was cheating or not, but I do think he has a drinking problem. Maybe he doesn't drink often, but he surely doesn't take his drinks well. He calls you in the middle of the night, repeatedly, only to.. I don't know, BRAG about how he flirts with other girls? Could he be trying to make you guilty, or maybe he tries to get your attention because he is bored and lonely at some bar (the girls he flirted with probably left him alone?).
If you trust he wont cheat, and you are fine with all the flirting, I think you need to tell him to stop calling you while he is drunk, and rather update you on the happenings of the night when he is sober.
I do agree with aunt honesty though that you don't really need to flirt with others if you are happy with your relationship. It is disrespectful to your relationship to flirt shamelessly with other girls out at bars etc. A friendly flirt is fine, but repeatedly doing this while out partying is just disrespectful to the relationship. Personally I think he is an attention seeker, seeking either other girls attention or your attention, hence the calling at night.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (17 November 2010):
 Ok well its quite hard to say if he cheated or not, but he was drunk and he obviously felt guilty about something he might only have been flirting but he was feel guilty about something anyway thats for sure. You need to talk to him when he is sober and ask him what exactly happened and why did he feel the need to flirt with other girls, its still hurtful and you need to get to the bottom of it, he is obviously lacking in something in your relationship when he is flirting with other girls. You need to have a serious talk with him.
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