A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My partner and I have been together 11 years and have a 5 year old together,he has been very confusing towards me lately(He was married before and his wife had an affair causing them to split up,i met him 2 years later,There is an age gap but that has never been an issue) ,we have been having stupid arguments (never really argued until lately)and after last argument I asked did he think we should split,He just keeps saying hes confused and doesnt know what he wants anymore(hes agreed to see a counsellor).He says he loves me(I know this is not because of anyone else,He spends all time at home).I dont know what to do (we live together).I love him and want this to work but hes breaking my heart.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chachacha  +, writes (2 March 2007):
To work through this together, you could :-
* See a marriage guidance counsellor together.
* Read Harville Hendrix's Getting the Love you want, and use some of the exercises to share what is important to each of you and to stimulate conversations, and see if that helps either of you to move forward.
* Set aside time to talk about what used to be good, and what could have changed.
However, it sounds like you might be stuck with an inactive partner here - you say he "agreed" to see a counsellor, which sounds like you suggested it.
If he actually loves you, but is confused, he OWES IT to you to do something about getting himself unconfused, and sitting around doing nothing at all is not fair on you.
I think you could say this to him, and say you want to help him and work on it with him - because after all, since this problem is about your relationship anything that involve greater understanding of each other, intimacy and talking has to help - but that if he continues to do nothing then you should make it clear that such a course of (in)action is not acceptable to you.
If he continues to do nothing about it, then you have your answer, sorry, as painful as that would be.
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