A
female
age
41-50,
*lma26
writes:I am dating a guy who is very nonchalant in nature and it makes understanding how he really feels about me hard to understand. I feel like I'm trying to get him to open up and it's not working. He says he cares, but I don't feel it. What can I do to make him see him from my eyes or should I just move on?
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female
reader, alma26 +, writes (16 May 2007):
alma26 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't know if I can even put into words...There are times when he's running late and he won't even text me or call and say "Hey, I'm running late, but I'm on my way" I guess it's a guy thing, perhaps it makes him feel like he's checking in, but to me it just lets know he is in fact on his way and not laying in a gutter somewhere!! I've talked to him about him nonchalant manner and he just replied that he's been through some things in life and that he just prioritizes what do make a big fuss over and what not to. But, in my opinion, if the person you "care about" is telling you over and over that you're not easy to read and that they don't know how you really care about them, should that not be a perfect indicator of a time to make a big fuss? We were sharing a living pace, but last week I told him I needed space (I don't want to share a bed with a man who I don't even know cares about me or not) and instead of asking "What happened?" or "Can we talk about this?", he just said ok and left. After he left the room, I pretty much just broke down crying on the bed (not loudly) and then he came back in the room and kissed me and said that it would be ok and that we would talk it about later. The talk never actually happen and now I don't know what to do. He's from the city we live in, so he's been staying with his sister and his stuff is here, he just calls ahead to see if I'm here so he can get in. I don't want to give up on him, he really is a good guy, but I don't want to waste time with someone who doesn't seem to want to budge an inch towards compromise. In the past, I've been so prone at the sight of a problem to just run, that I'm really trying this time to stay put and make it work....
A
male
reader, maverick  +, writes (1 May 2007):
 Hello honey. Could you please provide examples?Generally guys aren't very forthcoming in openning up their feelings for a number of reasons, including poor communication skills (men are worse communicators than women), feeling less masculine talking about feelings and even fear of how you would react. These could be trust based and thiswould take some time to resolve. There are many possibilities.Try sitting down with him and explaining how you are feeling about this situation. The best phrases are "I feel (emotion) becasue of (event)". By explaining how you feel you will be triggering his sense of sympathy/empathy.Ask how he feels about what you've said. Avoid using the phrase "I think". If you try explaining your feelings first - then that doesn't encourage him to open up you should look to reconsider your relationship as it sounds like ti making you unhappy.
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