A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing this guy for 4 months now and everything has been going on just fine , we never really labelled what we were but he made sure that we hang out a lot and talk a lot.We met on tinder and at first I used to cancel until we actually met , I cancelled a couple of times after that because I had responsibilities since it had always been me going all the way to his place which is a 1 hour drive from where I live, and whenever he came near my place to hang I always paid for him and his cab way back home because I didn't want to make him feel any stressed about anything .Just yesterday we agreed on meeting by the evening at his place, I had an interview and it took longer than expected and I told him that I can hang for only one hour , he said that "I'm messing him around" and that he wanted to let things go, I asked why , he said that he didn't want to be disappointed after getting exciting that he was gonna see me , I told him that me personally I would appreciate a single minute with him (I told him earlier that I was head over heels for him), he said " we are clearly not on the same wavelength " and we should let it go Did I do something wrong at all to deserve this ? I only have given good feelings all that time and tried my best to gain his affections, to be fair he is not a player, he is kind and good hearted I just don't know what went wrong ?He always says if I don't wanna hang out anymore I should just tell him , I have never though given that feeling, I feel he is taking out his insecurities on me
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 March 2017):
 Always cancelling on him made him realize that you where both not compatible. You where head over heals and he was not. He made no effort to come to you, it was always you doing the running and the paying, but still repeatedly cancelling would be annoying. So really in future when you meet a guy make sure he makes as much effort as you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2017): This man was using you. You paid for his tranportation over to your house, and YOU were always the one to make the effort, paying for things, or driving to his house yourself.
He took advantage because you met on tinder and he probably saw you as "easy" and not relationship material. Not right, but it happens.
Finally he was looking for an excuse to break up. If you told him you were crazy about him earlier that day, and he replied he wasn't on that wavelength, it means he viewed you as a hook up.
If you are looking for a relationship and something more than a hookup then get off tinder. That is not the place.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (9 March 2017):
 Agree with the others.
I'd be extremely pissed off if I kept getting cancelled on and would eventually call it a day too.
If you're busy, DONT make plans, it's very simple. I'm not surprised he has said he doesn't want to see you anymore.
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A
female
reader, RubyBirtle +, writes (9 March 2017):
I gotta agree with HoneyPie.
If someone flaked out on me several times in four months I would question how serious they were about having a relationship with me.... no matter how many times they told me they were crazy about me - their actions would simply not back up their words.
And I think it's perfectly acceptable for someone to think "this person doesn't have enough time in their busy lifestyle to dedicate as much time to me as I would like in a relationship - so I'm going to pass." It doesn't necessarily make them insecure - just sure of what they want/don't want.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (9 March 2017):
 Why make plans and then cancel over and over?
Honestly? That would annoy me too. And I don't think that makes him "insecure".
If you know you have "responsibilities" and thus CAN'T met up, don't MAKE plans.
It makes you look like a flake. A selfish flake when you say SURE we can get together Wednesday and then Wednesday rolls around and all of a sudden you have "responsibilities"...
If you have a job interview DON'T make plans to met up afterward unless you TELL him, look I can't say exactly how long it will be. OR make loose plans like I'll call you when done and we can see what we can come up with.
You shouldn't HAVE to pay for his cab fair either. And even with you PAYING it doesn't mean he somehow now owes you to suck it up when you decide to cancel.
When you make plans with someone and then later cancels, it makes them feel like you don't really prioritize them.
Be consistent.
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