A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:He recently got a new Step mom and Step sister. Now the problem started when he started to set schedules of when we can see each other, and telling me I can’t go with him with his new step sister and step cousin when they go out. His reason being was that he wanted to get close to them. I have recently been complaining because his attitude has changed with me. He is less interested in seeing me, when is around he is very neutral, no emotion at all. I’ve tried to get close but push’s me away. I have been noticing that he is getting a little to close to the cousin. What I am afraid of is that he might be interested in her? You see he’s 9 years of different and she is only 14. He asked me not to call him, text, and email. He said we need time apart to sort our issues. What do thing about this? Please help me.
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male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (15 June 2007):
 Sounds like the time apart will be a good thing. Having just witnessed a huge change in his family dynamic, he is looking for an opportunity to process the upheaval in his life. You are a good sport to offer him your counsel. It is now up to him to make the next move.
This break might also be good for you. Do you have a support system? It's time to lean on it, heal from this breakup, and come out the other end a stronger person. Whatever you do, don't push your guy - it'll just drive him further away. Good luck and take care.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2007): I can understand that having known him for such a long time and been engaged, that this is very hard for you.
However, you told him that if he needs anything from you he should not hesitate to ask. You said you'll be there for him.
There is now nothing further you can do. You've made the offer, and, whatever is going on with him, he has to deal with it himself. He said he will contact you again when he's ready. Therefore, you really have to respect that now, and keep on NOT contacting him.
I should have added when I responded yesterday, that there is, though, plenty you can do for yourself. You could get: a new outfit, a manicure/pedicure/massage/new hairdo. You could plan some fun things to do with some of your women friends - or a platonic guy friend, if you have any. Do some things YOU enjoy. Maybe a little volunteer work? Resolve to do the very best you can at your job, or college, if you're studying. That will stand you in good stead in terms of making a good living in the years ahead.
You can spend a little time grieving over this loss, and seeing what you can learn from it, as well as thinking about what you want and do not want in another relationship. Depending on how upset or confused you are about all this, you might want to schedule a session with a counsellor. In any event, your focus now should be on your own life and making it as good as you can.
Hope this helps.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk let me clear up some things I’ve been with him for 5 years and engaged for 3.5 years. So it’s a little hard for me to forget about him. He started to change when his new family appeared so that is why I’m confused. I don’t know how it came up to this.
Well he told me that we need time apart that he would contact me when he is ready to talk to me. Another thing I found out was that he is quitting his job. So I don't know if he is going through something, I just wish I new what to do to help him out. The last thing I said to him was that if he needed anything not to hesitate and ask that I'll always be there for him, I haven't gotten in contact with him every since. What should I do? Give him his time that he asked for?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2007): I think that without coming right out and saying it, that he is in the process of separating from you. There is a good possibility that acquiring a new step mother and step sister has given him the "excuse" he finds convenient to begin pulling away from you.
However, paradoxically, he may indeed be sincere in wanting to get to know them better......while at the same time wishing to end it with you.
As for his interest in the cousin, you had better be very sure of your facts before concluding there is anything improper in his interest. IF you have some REAL, SOLID evidence, then you should mention it to the child's mother. But, presumably you will not be seeing your friend again, correct? Since he has asked you not to contact him.
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