A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been seeing this guy for several weeks now - we met via online dating. Things have been great, our first date lasted for a weekend and met up again. We have also expressed our fondness for one another and it is clear that there is attraction between us. We discussed about our situation and said that we are seeing each other. I said to him that I do like him and would like to see where this could possibly lead. He said to keep an open mind about it, but I can't help but worry about things despite him saying not to. Of course, it is early days and after meeting on a dating site he is probably talking to others. He also said he felt he was not good enough for me and wondered why someone like me would speak to him in the first place. But I can't help but still worry about things despite him saying not to. I am anxious because I haven't been in a proper relationship for such a long time. Could this be open to interpretation? My impression when he said to keep an open mind about things, I would immediately think of the worst. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2013): It just means he's not ready yet to put a label on what's going on and is only interested in keeping it casual at the moment.
Whether that's good or bad is up to you.
You don't mention whether he said he felt the same or liked you back though.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2013): When he says keep an open mind about it, he is suggesting that your attraction is acknowledged; and only time will tell if things will change. You have other options available, and shouldn't settle on one so quickly.Although he is fond of you, he is also implying he plans to continue dating others. You're not a sure thing where he's concerned; and he may not feel he's worthy, or if you are the right match. It goes two ways.One of the dangers about online dating is women tend to form attachments so much sooner than men. Being more emotional creatures; one good date sends them making future plans. Men are more analytical. Being biologically different we don't weigh our romantic prospects quite as emotionally; and we tend to be more selfish. Men also place a lot of value on appearance; where women value personality and character over looks.There is one thing I truly wish you to seriously consider.He says he didn't think he was good enough for you. People don't make such a candid remark about themselves without there being some valid reason. He feels he fell short of qualities you are seeking, or he has issues with self-esteem. In any case, he's leaving himself an opening.When online dating, you don't place all your eggs in one basket. You are being evaluated among many other people.The point is, exposure and selection. So you get a feel of people and if the chemistry is instant; it must be a mutual decision that things continue. If both sides don't agree at the same time, let it ride. Don't cling. Desperation works against you. It makes you over-look important warnings and red-flags. It makes you settle for the first thing that comes along. Insecurity prevails over common sense. keep your self-esteem high, and expectations grounded and level-headed.Do not feel obligated to pass up other prospects. You are not in a relationship; because a single or even two dates went well. Don't look for a "relationship." Look for a compatible companion. Expect romance, demand respect, and have a good time. Date for the fun of it. Don't date on a mission. That's desperate and needy.Don't conduct a date like a job interview; or men get turned off; because it kills romance and it's too rigid.After each and every date, do an evaluation of your behavior, and his corresponding reactions. Then vice versa.It allows you to read between the lines and pickup little quirks that might be deal-breakers.Thereby, keeping an open mind about things.Continue dating others. If he's truly interested, he may be back. If he isn't, he warned you that you deserved better. Be forewarned that he may not be good enough for you, ifhe does ask for another date.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (18 June 2013):
 I think it is your personality that you just immediately think of the worst when he says something to you. I think you should listen to him though and try not to worry. It is early days so I would suggest that you don't come on to heavy to quick or else you may scare him away. Just take your time and get to know him, enjoy the time you spend with each other and see how it goes. Try not to expect to much and then you won't feel let down.
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