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He said that kissing means a lot more than sex, and that's why he doesn't do it. Why can't I get over this situation?

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (1 September 2007) 6 Answers - (Newest, 2 September 2007)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I have been friends with this guy for almost a year. We hang out almost everyday. One day we went out drinking and I had hit on him. Nothing happened that night. We then spoke about what happened later on and a lot of sexual tension was built. He came over to my place a couple of weeks later, and we started making out, when I tried to kiss him, he refused and said that kissing means al ot more than sex, and that's why he doesn't do it. So, nothing happened that night!

I was really hurt by the situation and I am still hurt (6 weeks later), because I thought we were friends and for him to make a statement like he did just really killed me. I am a very attractive, intelligent, personable, caring female (who, not to sound conceited, a lot of guys are interested in). People who know this guy describes him as being, "distant", and just ok looking. I didn’t want more than sex... sensual sex. Otherwise, if I wanted to be treated like a whore, I could have picked up any old Joe Schmoe off the street and -#*!, so to speak.

So my question is, What is wrong with me, why can’t I get over this situation? Why wouldn't a guy want to kiss a girl he hangs out with everday? And, should I drop him as a friend?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2007):

He has been physical with other females and didn't kiss any of them. In fact, he hasn't kissed anyone in about 3 yrs, he had a bad break up with some girl he went out with for a long time. I guess to some people its ok to just have somebody stick it in them. I guess he just isn't that in to me.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2007):

EXCUSES, EXCUSES, EXCUSES...

He's just not that into you. I KNOW how much that sucks, but honestly he can't control who he is/is not attracted to. Has this guy ever had a girlfriend? Boyfriend? Does he just expect to stick it in you without kissing or anything like that? Sounds like a jerk. I would try and work it out as friends/laugh it off, but it's pretty obvious that he doesn't want to be THAT close to you. (Plus you KNOW you deserve a guy that is physically attracted to you!) Think about how awkard it is when your platonic guy friends try to make moves of you. It's like being hit on by your brother or cousin. He probably feels like his sister was trying to kiss him.

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A female reader, richka United States +, writes (1 September 2007):

he is lie sex can lead to babys something important kissing would not get you pargnet if not get a new man

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2007):

I don't see much wrong in your head when it comes to the relationship, but it does leave me with lots of unanswered questions of what's going on in your Bf's head. Perhaps, His plumbing don't work, Erection-Dysfunction-Problems, and he doesn't have any problem in just the kissing area of your togetherness. Just a wild guess on my part. But then that isn't the way us males operate when it comes to the opposite gender. Just food for thought.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2007):

But a guy would want to have sex with someone he hangs out with, because that definitely wouldn't change the relationship.

Sorry Escalaya, not buying it!

Honey drop it like it's hot! He's an emotionally dense LOSER!

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A male reader, Escalaya United States +, writes (1 September 2007):

Escalaya agony auntThe fact that he won't kiss you is NOT a reason to abandon your friendship. Whether he really believes that kissing means alot more than sex or not, it's his beliefs, and you should respect them. You sound like a very confident young lady, nothing's wrong with you, hun. The reason you can't get over the situation is probably that you're not used to being rejected in a situation to that, so it's new to you.

A guy wouldn't want to kiss someone he hangs out with, because maybe he doesn't want to change the friendship you guys have.

Just an idea,

best of luck, take care.

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