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female
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anonymous
writes: i have been with my b/f for a year and a half. He is older--i am 23 and is 30.Somehow we started talking about babies just casually and i said 22 is way too young--i dont know how some girls can do it personally at that age...anyway--marriage got brought up and he said he isn't sure if he ever wants to get married-this to me is a real eye-opener b/c sometimes from the way we speak sometimes it seems he is in this for long term and marriage. I know i am too young personally for marriage but i just automatically assume by about 26 or so--i would be married to whoever it was i was in a serious long term relationship with..obviously i am thinking about my b/f in this way if we lasted---i told him i really do not know what to say and i said i do not want to waste my time and be attached to someone who isnt going to change their mind. I feel at 30--you can know whether in general you want to be married at some point in your life. Now I am worried i will wake up at 26 and have wasted my early 20's with this person if this relationship lasts and he just never changed his mind.It really hurts b/c i feel like he should know that if he loves someone--he can say at some point i would want to be married--when the time is right. I really do not know what to do--stay and believe ok well its only been a year and a half together--too soon to worry about it or take this UNSURE comment from him who is 30 and do not fool myself into thinking his mind will change his in 3 or 4 years. Then when i said i really do not know what to do about us right now--he said maybe he should rephrase--and he said this isnt his dead set opinion--like he never ever will consider it but he has to be sure and probably would have to live with the person first to see if its a definite good match b/c living with someone definitely changes things. I don't know what to believe right now but i wrote to him saying i dont think we should speak tonight. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2007): I think that your concerns are valid. When a relationship gets to the place that the couple is suddenly on two different levels it seems to put doubt in the mind of the one who wants it to move a bit quicker. I have been in your exact situation. After a couple years of dating you "know" if the person is the one that you want to spent "the entire" rest of your life with. So, if you are sure that he is "marriage material" then just continue to date him. Enjoy all the time you are together and when it does happen and he pops the question - you will be ready to say "yes". If you love him and are having a great time keep moving forward. If you want to get married next year and he shows no signs then you better start dating several canidates as every one does not hit the "I want to settle down stage" on a set time schedule. What I am simply trying to say is that if "hes the one" then just go through his process. I want to marry the guy I have been with for the last 18 months. He says he wants to be married to me in the future but that it's a "process" to build a relationship and he doesn't feel like we have given each other enough time of simply enjoying dating and getting to know each other. So, both of us are at different places in our heads but I am not going to break up with him because he's not ready to put a ring on my finger. I love him tremendously and I want to be married to him so I will enjoy the dating until he wakes up one morning and I am not there and wants me to be there EVERY morning when he wakes up. Enjoy love don't rush it! It will all come and you will have a lovely life. For now, if you love your boyfriend - then continue loving him! Things work out if its right!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2006): Yes it matters if i get married--i feel if someone loves me enough--they can make that kind of lifelong commitment..marriage is something i will need in the future.
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A
female
reader, princessnikki +, writes (12 September 2006):
 OK, I have two pooints to make, and i suppose they are either end of a spectrum. No 1. He is only 30. that is on average, not even a 3rd of his life lived. How does he know what he will want to do in 20 years time, even 10. People always change their minds My bf did. No 2. If you love him, does it really matter if you get married. What difference does a sighed perice of paper make to how much you love each other. And if you do get to 26 and feel you have wasted your lime, you need to seriously look back and see how much you jave changed and what you have become over the past years. Everything happens for a reason. Not even one minute can be a waste, let alone a couple of years. Hope this helps
Good Luck xxx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2006): YOU NEED TO ASK... i know it is untraditional but save yourself the angst. he is either not financially comfy or just is worried abt the prospect of being tied down. and if i may add he is 30 and it is a very confusing time.. believe me for us men too.. yep ... he needs to be confronted and hopefully you will find your answers then
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