A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:ok.....this is a really long one but Im DESPERATE for help.4 yrs ago i got in touch with this awesome guy n we really hit it off. he is 3 yrs elder to me.... and we've been together for over 3 and a half yrs now....and its always been in a long distance relationship. we live in two different cities bout 5 hrs away and my family doesnt know about him and i cant meet him out often if he even does come to town. however we spend every night talking to each other over the phone for at least 2 hrs.he's d first official bf in my life.... but he has had a gf before me....of course he would since he is elder to me... but i've always been insecure. so so insecure.i asked him about her and he said that with her he didnt know what love was.....kissing her was a mechanical thing....it never meant anything.he kept telling me this stuff and i believed him. 2 yrs ago his ex started calling him again and we had a major row over it and i asked him to choose.and he chose me.....but she called me and said that he's had phone sex with her....when my bf particularly denied it a million times even tho he swore on his dad about it....he said he was never serious bout her.....that it was just a fling.today i went through his account (yes i know his passwords) he has allowed me to freely check up on this stuff whenever i need. i found a folder in his account named after him...so i went through it....it has all the mails that he's ever sent her....now when i had earlier questioned him regarding another account having all her mails in them in a folder named "trash" he said its so that i can keep a watch and not fight with him over it.fair enough till there.....even i believed that if it was something to be hidden he would have deleted the mails.today i saw mails sent during the period they were going out and all of them are:how am i going to live without u?marry me sooni'll never leave you alonesuch type of mails he sent her. all of them were sent 4 yrs ago...before we even got together....but my problem is that Im scared that even though Im so serious about him maybe tommorrow he'll say that even being with me was just a fling and all was mechanical.... he told me that all those things were just "dialogues"....what if everything he tells me are also dialogues??Im really confused.....i dunno what to think or what to believe. i really feel that he loves me a lot....and i trust him as well but what if its just a fling to him now also??i mean he hasn't made a folder keeping all my mails with him...am i not important enough to him??what if she was his one true love n m just temp till she comes back into his life.this guy is my everything...Im quite family oriented n i dream of us being together forever....getting married soon. but m feeling really really scared.please tell me what to do. this guy has been my first kiss...and i lost my virginity to him as well..... in the past 3 and a half yrs we've had phone sex multiple times but rite now Im feeling like shit.please tell me what to do....why did he lie to me about the way he felt for her? today he says he loves me but tomorrow if he tells some other girl that i was nothing then??Im really stressed out and i have my term end exams soon.tell me how to talk to him?? how to handle this situation....what to think what to feel. Im so stressed my entire body is trembling.please tell me what to do.please. any advice is welcome.please
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2009): You need to talk to him about it and ask him the questions you are asking us. It is a good sign that he has allowed you access to all this and it is all in the past, not now.
It also sounds like you need some help from somewhere about the insecurity,to find out which bit is coming from the situation and whether you would be insecure in any case. Try to get to the bottom of that if you can.
I hope it works out for you.
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