A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need some input here. I have been seing this guy. He is not ready to commit to boyfriend/gfriend. We had a good talk last week and he said that he cares a lot about me but he is not in love with me. Said he loves me but he does not feel that sexual atraction towards me. He told me to go and have sex with other guys if I really needed sex that bad. See we dont have sex often. I had been in touch with an ex-boyfriend. Well an ex-long distance boy friend. I have always cared about this old bfriend but we live far. Anyways after kinda breaking up with the guy I was curently seeing I drove out of town for the weekend to visit my family. This old-bfriend and I text and talk every once in a while. He asked me to stop by and see him. I spent two nights with him and we had a great time. He wants to get back together with me and asked for me to move with him and work out a real relationship not a long distance one. After spending time with him I realize I never totally got over him and want to give this a try. I came back from my trip and the guy that I had been seeing here invited me over for dinner said we needed to talk. I went over and he asked if I had been with anyone else. I am a very honest person and as much as I dint want to tell him I could not lie and I told him what happened that weekend. Since then he is very upset at me. He says he cannot believe I would see my ex-bfriend and have sex with him. I explained to him that we had talked and to me it was a break up. I feel bad because he says I hurt him but, I dont feel I did anything wrong. After he said he did not care if I sleeped with anyone else. He now says he loves me and that he feels angry that I would do what I did. I love this guy but its has been a roller coaster ride with him. I dont want to hurt him and I wish he would commit but now I am exited and feel like I should give the ex-long distance guy a chance. I dont know what to do. Did I cheat? I am soo confused. It hurt to see him crying and hurting. I wonder if he rally loves me or if he just feel selfish jelousy. You know like a fear of loosing me. Any input? please...
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a break, get back together, long distance, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2008): He needs some space to figure out what he wants. If you want to be with him, be reassuring and tell him that you would love to date him---but he needs to be clear about his needs/desires. You aren't a play toy, and deserve that respect. However, he can't give it if he is confused. Give him the space to sort it out, and be a friend (no benefits) while he does.
I believe in the in old saying, "If you love them, let them go, if they come back, they are yours. If not, they were never meant to be." If more people went by that, I think there would be fewer broken hearts.
A
female
reader, When_Will_It_Happen77 +, writes (29 October 2008):
Were you two offically goign out? IF not and he said go ahed . the TECHNICALLY .. you were in no wrong.. but also he coudl be saying that cause he knows that if hes not ready to commit then he cant"Claim" you. but NO you did not cheat.
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