A
female
age
41-50,
*ymBunny
writes:I just came across this site today and the advice here is excellent! Maybe you'll offer some of your wisdom to me? 10 years ago I started dating a tall dark and handsome/type a/workaholic/ivy educated/executive type. He's also a really good person. When we started getting sexual, he'd get semi-hard, but then he'd lose his erection. He had a back problem so I figured that was the reason. We've been dating on and off ever since we met. Now it's kind of back on. He had back surgery a couple of years ago, and now he gets nice and hard and sex is great for me, but he doesn't have an orgasm. He told me he doesn't have much sensation unless he goes to the chiropractor and gets his back aligned. I was kind of freaked out by this, so I said "that sucks" in an insensitive tone. He said "I know it sucks!" Then I said, "what I mean is, is there anything that can be done about it?" He said not really, just keep going to the chiro, so I said he'd just have to go the chiro every day then. I really care for this man and he satisfies me sexually. How can I talk w/him about this w/out immasculating him or seeming like I'm belaboring the fact that he has sexual problems?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, GymBunny +, writes (4 April 2007):
GymBunny is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Doc, thank you so much for your sage advice. It didn't even occur to me that it'd be a good idea to talk about this stuff outside of the bedroom. I've heard that it's better for many of you male types to talk about uncomfortable topics while out on a walk, looking straight ahead. I also feel better to be pretty sure that it's not going to upset him if I bring it up. Thanks again, GymBunny :)
A
male
reader, Dr. John +, writes (4 April 2007):
 Nothing you can say to him will make him feel worse about it short of you belittling him for it which I am sure you will not do in the first place.
You can take a walk or sit quietly with him and talk to him about it as well as some possible solutions.
This particular organ is amazing yet sometimes puzzling because as in your boyfriend's case he cannot achieve an orgasm because of a back problem. In other cases a condition called a priapism can be caused by a back injury or disease. Priapism is a persistent, usually painful erection of the penis, not as a result of sexual arousal.
Don't worry though, I think he will appreciate your concern for him and though it may be a little embarrassing to talk about, I am sure he will be more than willing to discuss it with you. Hope things work out for the both of you. Doc.
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