A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I have been married for almost twenty years. We have three children - two girls, 19 and 17 and one boy, 14. When our oldest daughter was 15 I found out that my husband had started talking to an old grilfriend from high school (who had contacted him to tell him that they may have a child together, but she was unsure the paternity was between my husband and two other guys), at the time my husband and I had decided to not tell our children unless the woman wanted testing done. Both my husband and the other woman state that testing was never done. My husband contacted the woman about two months later (I was unaware) under the pretext of discussing the possible child and things moved into an affair from there. Per the other woman my husband was never in it for the child but just wanted to pick up from where their high school days had left off. Per my husband he at one time told me that they never had a sexual affair it was only emotional, someone for him to talk to. Two and a half months after I found out about the affair he finally confessed and has decided that it is best to tell me that he only used her for sex. The affair had gone on for four years and according to proof that I have it was both emotional and sexual for both of them. Per the other woman my husband has always stated to her that until our youngest daughter (who is active in sports and my husband is completely devoted to) gradutes high school he could not leave. My husband has now decided that he has seen the light and he is going to make our marriage work. As far as I know he has not spoken to the other woman for almost 4 months and he states that he loves me and will work the rest of our lives together to make sure that I know that - every day (which is still not happening). During their affair he told the other woman that he loved her but he could not leave me because of the kids. To her he also made the comment that he had loved her since high school and that if he had knew her feelings for him he would never had married me. My question is how he can now decide that after four years of not loving me and loving someone else he can see the light that I am the one that he loves? Is he staying around until he feels the kids no longer need him? This has completely confused, hurt, made me very angry, and crushed me. I have always thought I was a very strong person, but I know that if he decided in a year or so that he was done I would be devasted. Does my husband even deserve me trying to make our marriage work?
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (10 October 2010):
 I would turn the lights off for him, right after I changed the locks!
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