A
female
age
,
*atlover
writes:Hi,I'm so confused and upset. I have been with my bf for over 4 yrs. I have been ill and out of work and he has been living in my house and supporting me. We argue because he's not good at communicating and therefore i keep second guessing him. We had a row 2 weeks ago and he moved to the couch. Last night i asked him if he loved me and he said he didn't anymore due to the fact that i said some horrid things to him and because in the past i have asked him to leave. He said he was afraid of me now. He is serious about moving out and said we need to move on. I am devastated as i still love him. I have never been on my own and this is very scary at 44. He is 10 yrs younger than me. I was upset and he said that he would stay with me as he realised how upset i was. What do i do now. It doesn't change the fact that he said he didn't love me the way he did when we met?? Please help
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2008): NEWS FLASH
Guys don't move to the couch because we need space, we do it because we feel alone and unappreciated!
So your boyfriend has been working his butt off supporting you because you wont work and you are saying nasty things to him and asking him to leave?
Heres some help for you, get a job and contribute to the relationship. Make your boyfriend feel like the provider that he is by providing for HIS needs when he comes through the door after work. Worry about how HE feels, not how YOU feel.
Men don't stop loving, cheat, or sleep on couches because they are selfish, they do it because THEIR needs are not being met by their partner
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2008): Hi,You maybe feeling a little insecure now that you've been dependant on him?. I wouldn't want you to feel worse than you already feel right now . . your feelings are your feelings. I would say you need to own your own feelings first. Do as much for you as you can to make you feel secure about you. If you need help, seek outside help. Don't place this on your bf as it changes the dynamatics of he relationship where he has the responsibility for your own feelings of security . . this is a relationship killer.It's okay that he moved to the couch. He is telling you he needs space. You may need to ask yourself some more questions . . are you possibly over crowding him with questions. To ask him does he love you is a concern. Imagion you were out seeking a new partner. Your options were one who seemed too eager and needy or one who seemed light and free loving. You get my point? It's not pleasant to be around someone whos needy, irregardless. Words do hurt and they stick. Be careful what words you use when you are angry or hurt as they damage all the good efforts you have placd into the relationship.Don't ask someone to leave you unless you are absoulately sure you mean it. I guarantee one day you will find they will leave you even if you didn't mean it. Why should he be afraid of you? Something does not make sense. Another question you need to ask yourself.If he believes you both should part, then he is telling you he's had enough. Heres a cruel question and I'm sorry if I'm off course . . . if you were him would you want to stay with you? Have you been acting in ways that are attractive to him that encourage him to want to be with you? You just sound very needy and needy is not attractive to another healthy person.The only way I could see your realtionship having a possible chance of sucess would be that you work on you. I would think he would at least see you as less dependant taking some of the pressure off him.I'm sorry you are hurting so badly. I hope I have not made you feel bad about yourself. These are the questions I would ask myself if this were me.Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2008): Dear Poster
I am sorry maybe this is harsh, BUT:
I look at your age posted and then realized one thing:
GROW UP!
For somebody your age you are behaving extremely insecure and immature.
You are scared to be alone? Why?
You need to make peace with yourself. Start loving yourself and make peace with your own company. You don't need this guy or anybody else with you to be HAPPY. Happiness comes from within yourself.
I suggest
you LET GO of this guy; why do you want somebody around that does not love you? Why keep him around? Just to avoid being alone?
No, no, no, I am sure you can do better and I know you deserve better.
Start taking care of yourself and start improving your own self image and your self confidence.
You DON'T NEED HIM or anybody else around. You are a whole person that can be alone; you do not need to have somebody to fill any empty gaps in your life.
TAKE SOME TIME FOR YOU;
Learn how to deal with your own insecurities and fears and become a better person.More wise and less needy; far more balanced, self assured, matured and capable of handling future relationships.
I want what is best for you and hope this can be of assistance to help you get perspective on your situation.
Give yourself this great gift today:
Start LOVING YOURSELF and enjoying life just being you!
Best wishes and keep SMILING.
Keep me posted.
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A
female
reader, sugar_sugar  +, writes (24 September 2008):
 I think you already know the answer to this question.
Would you really be happy knowing that he was sacrificing his own happiness for yours? It might sound romantic on paper but you BOTH deserve to be with people you love, and that love you in return.
It may be comfortable to keep him around, but you are cheating yourself just as much as you are cheating him.
Being alone will be daunting but you'll be stronger for it.
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