A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met this guy online, we dated for for about 3 mos...and he honored my request to take it slow.. cos i really liked him and he likes me too.We would talk for hours..have intimate conversations and made out few times.He asked me if I would get hurt...if we did have sex and for some reason things dint work out...I said yes...ofcourse i would be a mess since i am an emotional person. Then I asked him about whther he was serious about a relationship at all.He said he would think and tell me. He was taking a decision on whether to get into a serious relationship or not.. we have not slept togtether yet. Im not sure if I raised the issue of a serious relationship too soon... perhaps yes.. and if so... how do i handle this now.. i dont want to lose him ..hes a nice guy. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (21 December 2013):
 I agree with Honeypie, and I think he's actually trying to take the relationship sexual using the relationship decision as a "carrot". He knows you're not in for sex, then running.
He would know by now if he was interested in a relationship, but he knows where you stand on casual sex and FWB. I'd cut and run too if you're not looking for a no-strings sex partner.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (21 December 2013):
 You are 30-35, you are dating for a very short time a guy you met online. When he asked you an important question about how you'd feel if you had sex and then broke up you were honest and told him you would feel hurt.
When you asked him the point black question about if he was serious about a relationship, he said he'd have to think about it.
I would cut and run now. He's had plenty of time to decide if you are dateable or not. You've made out and have intimate conversations. He is either into you or he is not.
If he needs time to think about it, then he's not the one for you. He could have said, I do want a serious relationship but we need more time to get to know each other, that would be one thing. However, you asked him if he even wants a serious relationship at all and he replied with a very iffy answer.
If he has to think this hard about it, then that means he's not ready for a serious relationship with you.
I would handle it by no longer making the first move toward going out on proper dates. I would not pester him for an answer about the serious relationship question. He knows what you want from a relationship and from him.
If he wants to date you and court you, he's going to have to put some effort into it, beyond getting together for making out or sexting. If he doesn't put in that effort, well, there's your answer, unwanted as it may be.
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (20 December 2013):
 If I am brave enough to guess, that he wants to make sure the sex is good (in both quantity and quality) then he would consider a serious relationship. Sex goes both ways so there is a possibility that he is anxious about his performance and how you like it. I think that's what he means by "for some reason" can can't be explicit about it. He has the right to be concerned about that and you also have the right to want a serious relationship first before you give your body to him. He didn't want to say yes and then back out later in case it didn't work out. I don't think it's too early to talk about exclusivity at all, but I also think it's sensible to test out sexual compatibility before you think about long term. Here I think of seriousness as in long term, but maybe it's about exclusivity. Communicate that to clarify, because I don't think it's that difficult to stop dating others. I don't think waiting would make him more serious about you. It depends on how much he is emotionally invested in you. If you are sure that he's dating only you I would say he's pretty serious. Very few guys would wait that long. An average guy would be dating other women who are willing to put out for him.
...............................
A
male
reader, devont  +, writes (20 December 2013):
 You have put the ball in his court and now it is up to him. There's not much you can do.
In my opinion, three months is not too soon to have brought up the issue of how serious your relationship is. All you can do now is wait for him to decide... Don't pester him, just see how it goes and how he behaves around you.
If he's as nice as you say, he won't string you along one way or the other. Don't sleep with him and leave him to make his decision.
All the best.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 December 2013):
 I don't think 3 months is too soon. I think you were smart in being honest. He asked about sex, and you told him the truth as you see it.
You could have told a lie, had sex and ended up getting hurt.
Let him figure out IF he is interested in a serious relationship. I would suggest you two can keep on going on dates but NO sex til he knows he WANTS to be with you and YOU know you want to be with him.
...............................
|
