A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:my bf dumped me because he says he just isnt ready for a relationship and doesnt want to hurt me. Am i wasting my time hopeing he will chage his mind? And is it possiable to still be good friends, im scared ill always want more? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2007): Dear, going by the few words you have written in your posting, you say clearly, your bf is not ready for a relationship with you. This means he wants the freedom to be a single guy and have no commitments. It is especially very upsetting for you, because you plainly wanted the relationship to progress and he didn't. Now you are asking...if it's possible to be friends with him. It is possible but not right away. You need to take care of yourself. You need to do the work of healing and recovering. If you can't accept this 'break-up' and try to move on...it will be hard for you to be around him, as a friend. I suggest that you back away (minimal contact or none at all) for a period of time until you get through the worst of this. Distract yourself with other good, trusted friends. Whatever you do, accept the reality and don't waste time, waiting. Waiting for someone to come back is fruitless and it keeps you stuck. This is your time to heal, but give yourself that 'time'. Once you have healed...get out and date others, be a happy, positive person and enjoy your life. Good luck, dear.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2007): this exact thing happened to me on saturday! he wasnt ready for a relationship with anyone! but we still care for each and agreed that if we could keep anything it would certainly be a close friendship! although it does help that i have become close to his friends as well, so we can all hang out together and it is not awkward! we have agreed that if we are meant to be together than something will happen naturally in the future! but if we move on, we move on! all i can say is hang in there but dont wait because some amazing guy could pass thru and you mite just not notice!
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A
female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (25 January 2007):
 hi there
i dont know if hoping is good in your situation because from what u said there are not really words that describe your ex giving you any ideas on your future together although we really dont know what the future holds i think moving on with your life will be very beneficial for you. if he comes back and you are available and interested at that time well you can give it a go as for now give it a go and stop hurting yourself.
i dont think you should pursue any type of friendship with him you are not ready to see him as a friend it will hurt you even more if he will start going out on dates with other girls but you. so give it a rest and concentrate on find yourself someone who can give you what you believe in. good luck
jovial
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (25 January 2007):
 It's a little hard to tell on this one. Did he give specific reasons why he felt he wasnt ready? If so I would tend to be guided by that. For example, is he going through a tough time? If so then there is hope he would want a relationship at the end. However, is it possible that he no longer sees a future in the relationship and that this is his way of letting you down gently??
I think the best thing you can do is try and move on. If you spend a long time waiting around for something that may possibly never happen then you are going to put yourself through alot of mental agony. Part of this maybe that you have to ask him the question you have just asked here; ask him outright if there is any hope for the future and gage his reaction.
The friendship will depend on you being able to get some sort of closure on your current feelings and while you are still debating whether you two have a future as something more you are not going to be able to get closure. If you can get closure then I see no reason why you shouldnt be firm friends. Hope that helps, sorry if I was blunt. Take care.
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