He said he was going to change and become less immature... but he never does

A female age 30-35, *weetgirl21 writes:

ok so this might be long. i have known this guy since i was little, but then i moved here and he stood in our home country(dominican republic). now about 9 years later i see him and he tells me he likes me. things move pretty quickly at least for me. i went to his house to visit his sister and i saw him and we talk a little bit. he ask his sister for my messanger, we IM each other, he got my phone #, he would call me everyday, and if i didnt pick the first time he would call me throughout the day. then we went to the mall on my b-day with both of our sisters. he kept trying to get really close to me and then in the car we kissed. he kept calling after that but he started calling me really late, so i told him not to call me that late cause i wake up at 6 am to go to collge and well he almost didnt call anymore. online conversations between me and him dropped, i was so used to him initiating things like calling and IMing. after that things were like a roller coaster between us he asked me to be his girl but it was too soon for me, i told him but he wouldnt stop trying to kiss me and holding hands. i mean and i couldnt say no to those things because i liked him. well we had 3 seriuos convo, i try to fix things, like i ask him if something was going on or what because he was so different distant. i told him to tell me the truth why in person he would act weird at first and then when he saw that i was not putting attention he would try to get close to me. i complain about how he showed a lot of interest at the beggining and after we kissed and told him not to call late, he barely show any interest, again i am referring to his calls and IMs. during the 3 serious conversation we had he once told me that he didnt want to call me earlier because other familiy members would pick the phone up on the other line, he also complain that i always wanted him to take initiave and that he wasnted me to show some interest too, i told him that he didnt have me happy and how i could show him some interest if things were up and down. he always ended up convincing me, so kissing, holdhing hands and pretty much acting like a couple. anyways he has a minior baseball league contract in the dom rep, so we both knew he was leaving, he always told me it didnt matter because he was coming back, few days before he left to the dom rep, i accpeted being his girlfriend, and then a day before he left over there he IM me we talk as usual i did most or all the talking like i would be the one who asks questions and he would respond with answers like YEAH, UHMMM, YES, NO, like short answers and he would take forever to answer back like 3 mins in between answers. again at the beggining of the relationship it wasnt like this. anyways like i was saying short answers that day as usual and well i told him i was gonna miss him he said he was too and he wasnt happy he was leaving but he didnt tell me why. and then i told him to be careful with the easy sluts over there, i told him that we were boyfriend girlfriend and had to put effort in it and he said he didnt know if he could handle the temptation of easy girls, i told him well if you really care about me (like me a lot) then you wont mess with them, he said he didnt know, and i was getting upset, so i asked so u dont knoe if you really like/love me and he said no, so i decided to break things telling him i didnt want to be with someone who didnt love me and that it wasnt nice and blah blah, he didnt say anything for like 5 mins and then he responded is not that i dont love you its just i wil be constantly traveling and i cant give you the emotional state you desrve, you are a great human being that deserves time and dedication and i cant give it to u right now, i couldnt say anything cause i got really depressed i felt so used, so anywyas i thought that things were gonna stay like that and 3 days later i get a call from him saying that he didnt mean to say that, that he really loves me and that he was gonna call again to give me an explanation, he called my phone a lot for the next 5 days but he never had any mins (long distance call) i pick 3 of his calls but we never talk about our problem it was more like hey how are you convos, then he told his sister to tell me to call him because he didnt have any mins, so i did, we talk for 20mins, and i ask for the explanation, he went around it but then finally answer saying he didnt mean to say that that he said that because he didnt know if i wanted to be with him like that (me here and him being there) and well didnt sound convincing he reassure me that he does love me and well that was pretty much it, the call got cut and i am just left hanging, after that a week later i decided to give hima call again, i ask how he was and how was the baseball going and blah blah and then i went to our issue, i started by saying that a realtionship needed effort from both side and in order for it to work both people had to tried really hard, i told him i wasnt clear on the last convo we had and i ask if he was clear. he said yes i am clear, arent u? i said well i wasnt clear last week but now i am i just need some clarifications. and then i said but since u r clear, then u tell me, i told him i was willing to let go of the past and put the effort needed to work the relationship out but that before i could let go of that past i needed to clear it up. he said he knew it took effort from both sides and dedication. so i ask and are u willing to do it. and he said yes i am. and then i was like ok so we have agreed on something now tell me why u stopped calling, why did u act so weird, why did u put me on that roller coaster i am really confused and ur the only one who can clarify. he said he did that bc he wanted to see the way i was gonna act, my reaction. i asked him why? and he said i just wanted to see ur reaction. he said i dont know how to explain something that idk how to explain. so i was like ok so at least tell me do u feel u act right or u feel more like damn i messed up, and he said i know it was bad and i said and did i deserved that and he said no, but can u forget about the past? and i said well now clarify the msn convo we had before u left where i had to break things and he just said leave it in the past and everytime i tried to talk he repeated in the past. i stopped for a moment ans ask him if he saw future in this and he said yes as long as we both put effort it will work, and then later on i went back to the msn convo i told him i really needed an asnwer so that i could feel a little bit better he again went to in the past and everytime i tried he would repeat in the past. the call got cut and since the card still had mins i called gim 2 days later i couldnt get right into the msn issue and when i tried i only had the 3 mins left so i told him to think about it and that i would call again and then we both said we love you and we were gonna miss each other. later on the week he signed on the messanger, and a few minutes after i saigned on he starts talking to me saying hiiiiiiiiii my pretty love, i didnt reaply instantly so he sent me a nudge then i reaply saying hi how r u, he said fine and u? i said i was tired and he asked why and i asnwer to him, and then he asked to please put my webcam on and we both put it on, internt problems started ocurring he lost connection signed back on none of us put the webcam on and well again i was doing the talking, asking questions and he reaplies with short asnwers. at the beggining of the ralationship we could talk on msn and on the phone for hours but it was pretty much flirting, we never got to like ask personal questions. and then on the dates we went out i always started the discussion of him behaving immature, not calling and always him wanting me to leave things in the past. now i am trying to make some conversation asking him more personal questions but nothing seems to work, he just wont make any conversation with me. he starts the conversation and then just doesnt say anything and always tells me to tell him something. hes not a starnger like i know his sister mother aunt grandmother cosuins, but i just wish we could talk. like idk what is going on, and i am really confused idk what to do, idk if hes playing or what he wants and i have tried to fix things but he doesnt open up so what should i do i need help!!!!!!!!! like i would be willing to give it a try but he has confused me so much and idk what he wants, like he pushed me to break things up before he left and then calls me and tells me he loves me and didnt mean to say that, so what now? i have tried hard i ahve opened up to him but he keeps refusing to tell me why he acts the way he does. idk if i should believe in his words or not cause i tried many times to fix things and he always said he was gonna change like call and IM me and stop being immature, he always convinced me but never change. and i am just so confused idk if i am not communicating the right way or idk like i ask him about things that should be interesting to him like baseball but he just gives me plain simple answers? i really just need some light cause he is driving me crazy. hes 18 and half and i just turn 19 a month ago. and all this has occured over the last 9 weeks.

View related questions: depressed, flirt, grandmother, immature, kissing, msn

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A male reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (7 November 2009):

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