A
female
age
41-50,
*ommy_of_3
writes:Hey all. I really need some input. Last November...of 2010, my ex was at work. We were together (in relationship) at the time. Something happened while he was at work, to make me want to search his apartment. Can't recall exactly what it was, but isn't the important part. So as I'm searching, there was only one place left i hadn't checked. My kids and I had recently slept over at his place, with his own kids there, and I believe they were my daughter's underwear, but 2% chance, they were his own kid's, left at his place. I checked his closet, and found a pair STASHED up on the shelf in his closet, under and behind his folded clothes. He claimed they got "tangled" into his own clothes, and knew i'd react in a bad way if i saw them. so why not put in laundry basket, or a bag, and tell ME they were left there? Am I sick for thinking he's getting off, with my or his child's underwear? or is stashing them...all the proof i need? he wants to get back together with me, and is aware of how i feel...ive been trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, because i had NEVER EVER had any problems like that with him in the past, while still watching him like a hawk, when our children are together. Ive NEVER seen any other signs, and it only happened the one time. He does not behave any differently around any of our kids, they are all treated equally by both of us...aside from his action, he's very "normal", but no, his action wasn't. Could it be possible he's tellin the truth? He does't get all pissed off, when discussing this either...all upset, but not defensive...and our kids are best friends...i CANNOT imagine depriving them of such friendships, totally INSEPERABLE! HEEEELLLLPPPPP PLZZZ!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2011): In my opinion. As a mother you need to look very seriously at the 'worst case scenario' here.
Finding your childs underwear stashed carefully behind your partners clothes at the back of his closet, because he 'knew you would react badly' says it all really. Research panty fetish and you will find, once caught, most men feel deep shame. That is why he is upset but not angry. I would not have him around my children.
A
female
reader, DanceInTheDark +, writes (28 July 2011):
 Honestly. The fact that this is the first thing you thought says a lot. I say trust your instincts, you can't doubt them when your children are what is at stake.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2011): go with your gut feeling. Something told you to search his apartment. Then you found this.
No I don't buy his explanations for a second. So what if it got "tangled" with his clothes. Why not throw it away if he felt so freaked out about it and felt that he had no way to do anything with it without creating a wrong impression? the fact that he kept it, but hid it away, what exactly was he planning to do with it?? how long was it stashed away and how long was he gonna keep it there?? And why didn't he put it with YOUR clothes then?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2011): Seems very suspicious. As you said, if he had nothing to hide, why didn't he just tell you? why would he even think that you would react badly unless he had a guilty mind? Why did he keep the underwear at all, if it was just a mistake but he didn't feel like he could give them back to you, wouldn't it have been better to put them in the trash rather than hide them secretly in the top of the closet?
Its up to you what you decide to do, but I would be concerned, and in the end you do need to put your daughter first and keep her safe.
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A
female
reader, GeeGee255  +, writes (28 July 2011):
 I think this guy should stay an ex, why take chances with your childrens innocence?
You just might get the solid proof you didn't get the first time around.
Sorry, I admit that it is a tough call, on the information you have but how would you feel later if he does try something with your daughter and you could have prevented it?
Listen to your gut, it's telling you not to trust this guy for a reason.
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