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female
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*1468
writes: I have a question about age differences. I am 21 and my fiance is 30. When I met him he told me that he was 25; I was 19 going on to 20. He told me that he had a daughter and that he had been married before. One of my friends through which I met him told me that he had two kids. We were already three months into the relationship when I found this out. I questioned him and he admitted to having two kids. He also said that he had lied to me about something else; age. I asked him what age he was and he just wouldn't tell me. I guessed 27 and he said yes. A few days later he tells me that he's actually 28 that he got confused with his sister age and his. He says he lied to me because he was afraid that wouldn't accept him. We've been together for a little over a year and I am still trying to get him to say what age he is when someone asks him. It's like he's afraid of his own age and I don't know if that is normal or not. He has friends that are the same age as him and friends that are as young as I am. When I go to his family's place, I somtimes feel uncomfortable because they are older than me. Most of his family speaks spanish. I speak spanish but was both born and raised in the U.S. and do not understand some of the dialogue between them and that makes me uncomfortable. So I guess my question is why do you really think he lied about his age or kept most of his history from me? and does age really matter? How can I feel a little more comfortable around his family without really understanding what they're saying? -Thank you very much
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2006): [sigh] "like about his age" should be "lie about his age"... 8/
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2006): To Mr. Anon below me, what makes this guy in need of professional help? Thus far, 11468 hasn't said anything to do with this guy's mentality, aside from that he was afraid she wouldn't accept him.
It's true that some people can feel that many younger people would feel that someone with a bigger range in age, may be too old for them, even if their mentalities and interests connect. It's really an unfortunate factor.
I can totally understand your bf's need to lie in this case. I also had a male friend who is 32 who lied to his gf who is 22. He has two daughters but told her he had one. Why? Because he felt that most new partners may feel as though it's an extra burden or a diluting of love and attention if there are children in his or her life. Heck, I am very wary of dating anyone with children.
Mind you though, he didn't like about his age, cuz well, we don't think it's a big problem. 8]
Anyhow, Edmoh20's suggestion on open communication and caution is also very good. I would take heed to his advice as well.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2006): I agree with the anonymous male's post below... I think this guy is more trouble than you've already known of.
I can't think of a father not owning up to his child for the fear of having someone totally new rejecting him... don't you think that's too OTT???
Leave him as soon as you can.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2006): I think once a liar always liar. If i was you i would be very wary and cautious. I don't like being around people when they revert to their native tongue when they are around their family, it's so rude, they shouldn't do it when you are around. I like people to be open and honest on the first onset then no-one get misunderstood or hurt. Be careful. I would probably want to turn my back on this one, sorry to be blunt, but something doesn't sound right to me.
Take care
xx
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2006):
I get the feeling that he is letting the information out in dribs and drabs as he has to.
You could sit around for the drip drip drip but next you might find out that he has been in prison, or in heavily in debt, or has more than one ex wife, or anything.....
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2006): Terminate your relationship (all contact) with this man. He is really in need of professional care (you've only seen the tip of the iceberg).
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male
reader, Kwiringira  +, writes (30 November 2006):
 It's true that most of the people (me inclusive) lie at the fast instance, because of different reason one of them being not to be reject at the fast instance. Tell him to be honesty and promise him that you will forgive him if he does tell you the truth. Tell him also to make you getting involved with your in-laws otherthan feeling unconfortable.
wish you well in your relationship.
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male
reader, Kwiringira +, writes (30 November 2006):
It's true that most of the people (me inclusive) lie at the fast instance, because of different reason one of them being not to be reject at the fast instance. Tell him to be honesty and promise him that you will forgive him if he does tell you the truth. Tell him also to make you getting involved with your in-laws otherthan feeling unconfortable.
wish you well in your relationship.
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A
male
reader, edmoh20 +, writes (30 November 2006):
 People lie fro very different reasons! It could be true that he fears you might reject him when you find out his true self.This is very dangerous b'se u will never be sure whether u are dating an angel or a devil! And more to that, your relationship can never be built on trust b'se you will always have doubts about him even when he's telling u the truth.
For the language problem, you need to either learn the language, or settle and be comfortable when they are speaking.I don't think there is a way u can stop them from using spanish b'se u want to be invoved. Also try and be open with him. Tell him exactly how you feel when they speak spanish.
Good luck
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