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anonymous
writes: me and my boyfriend met at the beginning of the year and before we met i had booked a trip to go trevelling for almost a month. we moved in together a week before i went travelling and within the week i realised that he had a problem with coke. he was upset that i was going away and took more and more and told me that coke will always come first. he was calling me names and said he knew i would cheat on holiday. before i went he promised not to take coke but when i rang him in the middle of the holiday he had had the day off work because he had taken it. I ended up cheating on him. when i got back everything was so perfect and i already fely really guilty but because everything was so good i felt even worse. he has always said that if he found out i cheated it would be over. he said we should book a holiday and he loves me so much he wants to marry me. the guilt took over and i told him. he was devastated but because he loves me so much he decided to forgive me. he started taking coke again and getting paranoid again but because of what i had done i put up with it. 6 months later he has decided to get help and i believe that there is not as much of a problem. but i still feel unbelievably guilty about cheating and upset that my trip was spoiled and he cant be proud of me or talk about it with me. we love each other so much and he is so wonderful and loving apart from the coke. i still feel so guilty for cheating, how can i move on? he said he has forgiven me but he said i cant forgive myself. he never mentions it and has completely moved on. how can i sort this in my head? now the coke has stopped the act seems even more prominent in my mind.
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female
reader, iloveyoubrian11  +, writes (28 November 2008):
 i dont know what you did as cheating on him but if he can forgive you then you need to ask your slef what can i do to forgive mmy slef and do that you should like your in love and everyone makes mistakes...
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female
reader, petina1  +, writes (28 November 2008):
 He seems to have stages in his life where he is using a substance and stopping, and starting again. If you can't move on from your guilt and it causes a rift then he may go back to using as an excuse. It is like a vicious cycle. If he depends on the coke you can either get him some serious help or get out of the relationship because you will always come second to it. It may be that sometime in the future you may get so involved you will be helping him pay for his habit. He will never forget you cheated on him and may use it as amunition for anything that goes wrong in the future. Don't put up with anything he chucks at you just because you feel guilty. Moving on means that, move on and forget the past.
good luck. hope this helps.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2008): The guy is a drug addict, what are you feeling guilty about? You could always wait until his nose falls off but in my opinion you should get rid now as you will only regret it later.
Sorry if that is what you don't want to hear but you have to face facts sometimes in life.
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