A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I just wanted some advice on this rejection.I don’t normally ask guys out on dates as well I tend to lack confidence and I am shy. However, I very boldly plucked up the courage to ask a guy out. He knows my parents and I had been introduced to him, we smiled a lot the first time we met, we chatted briefly there was a definite connection.The second time I met him I thought what the heck he can only say no. I thought better to find out now rather than hanker forever over him. So I approached him when alone. I asked if he might like to go for a coffee sometime and if he would like my number.He declined polity which is ok, but i was a little confused by why he asked me things. He said the trouble is he is kind of seeing someone so no, which I apologised for asking and was about to go but then he wanted to know if I was looking to buy a house(which I am, he had chatted about this to my parents) he went on that he was looking to buy, he stated that I was living at home (which we both are) and that I’m working full time and he wanted to know exactly what part of my town I live. I thought this all very strange but answered politely, I was a little flushed I will admit, he finished by again that he’s sort of seeing someone so I apologised gracefully again and tried to walk off as proudly as I could.I do realise you win some you lose some, I realise that rejection is part of life. I don’t expect anything more and will look elsewhere But am I right that his questions were a bit odd ?
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confidence, living at home, shy Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2019): You're a very brave lady. I wouldn't have had the guts to do that. But I agree with the other two agony aunts/uncle - He was probably keeping the conversation polite and flowing so as not to make you feel too awkward.
I have had similar thoughts about a guy who was very chatty to me and like you there was a definite connection. I didn't ask him out like you - but I did ask him to keep in touch with me (which is kind of asking him out I guess) but have heard nothing.
Sometimes men (and women) come across keen, chatty and interested when all they are being is merely friendly. Either that or they could be truly interested but something else in their life is stopping them from saying 'yes'!!
Judging where you stand & whether someone wants to date you is difficult - but you gave it a go, so well done.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2019): Changing the subject, or dodging a person's awkward request with a question is how you politely help them to save face.
He attempted to let you down easy; and tried to avoid leaving you feeling embarrassed. He knew it took courage to ask. It's usually the guy on the receiving-end of rejection; so he knows exactly how it feels.
He had to pull something out of the air really quickly; he was caught off-guard and in an awkward position. He was also somewhat surprised and embarrassed. He has probably never been asked out by a woman before; so his reaction was...clumsy!
No thank you, is the answer; because he's seeing someone. No big deal. We press on.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (11 July 2019):
 I think he was softening the "blow" of rejection but continuing to talk to you in a friendly manner on subjects he KNEW you would feel able to converse in.
I think he handled it very nicely, honestly.
He didn't tell you to F off or look at you like you grew horns, he just told you that is seeing someone and how about house buying....
You did you good ASKING someone you find interesting out, Keep at it. And DO NOT apologize if they tell you I'm seeing someone, you aren't a MIND-READER. Instead just say:" Ah well too bad" and smile. UNLESS you ALREADY know they have a partner (and then don't ask) it's OK to PRESUME they are single. NO need to apologize.
Chin up!
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