A
female
age
51-59,
*bby100
writes:should i be upset when my fiance ,who was told 3 months ago what i would like, doesn't get me a birthday gift and pops the money inside my card to buy something myself? i'm feeling justified in being incredibly disappointed and upset am i wrong?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2007): HOw long have you been going out with your boyfriend for? I had similar happen to me 6 months into my relationship with my bloke, who got me a card but no present. I also felt pretty miffed to be honest. I though 6 months into the relationship, him not buying me a present meant that he didnt really care and couldnt be bothered to even put a little bit of effort in. I didnt want anything big or expensive, just to feel that he had made the effort.
I never talked to him about it, and we are not a year into the relationship, I realise he just doesnt place high value on presents, and his parents say he doesnt bother with their birthdays either. It is his birthday next week and I am going to show him how it is done. I also now if there is something special happening, i.e. year anniversary etc, tell him that I want to be suprised, and i dont want the suprise to be nothing. Which he seems to respond well to.
At least you got money, as the others say - take him shopping with you and maybe in future say how you would like to receive presents more than money as you feel it means more.
A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (5 August 2007):
 He's probably just not good at knowing what to buy a woman, what size you wear, or what you might specifically want. Case in point, I have bought my b/f some things for his b/d only to discover that I missed the mark completely. Major rejection for me! But he loves me anyhow. We just have different taste. I don't think your b/f was being lazy or insensitive. He just needs more training and that's where you come in. You have been given lots of great suggestions on how to help him chose a gift for you next time. Just be glad he actually remembered the date! Last year my b/f completely spaced out my special day and I even reminded him the night before. So don't feel too bad and don't punish him forever. Lots of love.
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (5 August 2007):
 Aww give the poor guy a rest at least he remembered your birthday, some guys nowadays don't even do that. But next tell him " Honey you know that lovely bracelet (or whatever) I saw in the in the store I would prefer you to get it for me so I can unwrap it, cos I love it when you do things like that it makes it kinda special". Hopefully next time he will take the hint and do the right thing.
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A
female
reader, Oblivia  +, writes (5 August 2007):
 I understand that you feel a little disappointed, I would too. I too want to feel I'm given a little special attention when it's my birthday. It could very well be though, that he just felt a little insecure about getting it right and that he'd rather give it to you this way than to disappoint you by getting something that you later on would have to go back and change anyway. In any case I don't think you should make a huge scandal out of it, it is not worth it. If he didn't intend to just make it easier for himself, if he did it this way because he thought you would like it better, then he will probably start feeling quite hurt too if you would tell him you are disappointed at him. Then both of you will righteously feel bad.Maybe you can ask him to come with you to the store to get it? Combine it with a lunch/dinner/café/long walk, whatever you like to do together and don't usually find enough time to. Thus you will get a reason to spend some good time together, just the two of you.Happy birthday to you, and good luck.
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A
female
reader, love-him +, writes (5 August 2007):
 Hey bbe, you are feeling upset yes, but maybe he thaught it would be nice for you to get yourself something, instead of havin 2 get wot ur given, but i do think you should be happy you got anything at all.. cos ther are some people who dont think occasions are important.
I hope i helped,
Mail me if you would like to talk x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2007): Sorry, dear.. change this sentence from:
"We have to start thinking there is always another agenda"
to
"We have to STOP thinking there is always another agenda"
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2007): Relationships are hard at the best of times, so please do allow this issue to cause anger, dissention and crap in your relationship? Is it worth it? Being overly sensitive and petty, is the most destructive in all intimate relationships. Your bf knew what you liked but chose to give you money to buy the gift, instead. I don't think this is wrong. My goodness, the act of giving you a card was very thoughtful, in itself. If he's the kind of guy that doesn't like to shop, perhaps he felt you would be better off to go and just buy it yourself. Guys just don't get 'bent out of shape' over these things, so why do we gals? We have to start thinking there is always another agenda, as to why men do the things they do, especially over stuff like cards and gifts! Tell him thank you and suggest he go with you, to purchase the gift. Put your disappointment aside..it simply isn't worth it. Stay happy, positive and work to keep creating a positivie solidarity in this relationship.
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A
female
reader, aphexinfinite +, writes (5 August 2007):
 you being upset about it because you wanted him to buy you something with thought put into it, you didnt want to buy something youreself or you would have already. youre feeling sensitive that he didnt take the time to go get you something with effort put into, their maybe a good excuse or maybe not you need to tell him how you feel about this dont argue about it talk to him gently snd just say how you feel hope this helps xx A
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A
female
reader, advice 247 +, writes (5 August 2007):
 yes because if you told him he couldnt be bothered going to the shop it seems lazyness of him
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