A
female
age
30-35,
*atieannie08
writes:I'm really desperate for relationship advice at the moment. I dated a guy, I'll call him M for about a year and a half. We were so happy and he treated me so well and we never fought for a very long time into the relationship. We share the same sense of humor and he's one of the few guys who thinks my awkwardness is cute and not weird. I thought we were in love. Towards the end of that year and half I started feeling depressed and got very down on myself a lot. I had grown to trust him and depend on him way too much and sort of fell apart. He's a very happy and confident person and always has been, so he couldnt offer much advice. He eventually got more and more distant because (i found out later) he didn't feel the same way and didnt think i was the person he had fallen for - because he hadnt known about this sadder side of me. He dumped me the summer before my freshman year at college and i was devastated. I also felt like he was perfectly fine and completely over it and would never really think about me again... even though i longed to have him back. We didnt speak or see each other for over a month, but then he started trying to talk to me again. He started pursuing me during my first semester of college and we ended up sort of getting back together in the middle of that semester.But it felt like the second we got back together he completely cooled off. He was unattentive and barely talked to me. I was upset because i couldnt stand that he had wanted me back but lost interest so quickly. After a few weeks, i wrote up a letter of what i wanted to say to him and met up with him. i told him i demand respect and i cant stand being with someone who doesnt feel lucky to have me. we ended up breaking up again.Again, we didnt talk for about a month. Then i caved and started talking to him again. with the intention of maybe fostering a friendship. He ended up pursuing me again, and then started telling me how much he missed me and how stupid he was the last time, and how he would be different and i wouldnt have to worry. i think i wanted to believe him so much that though i definitely had my reservations and all my friends thought i was an idiot, i took him back again. it was so freaking good for a few weeks... i was home from college and we were seeing each other and he was being attentive and i felt cared for. (though we werent back to "i love you" or anything like that). now all of a sudden he's distant again... just like our second relationship attempt. i cant take it. i just cant. i care about him and wonder how the hell he can become so disinterested in me so quickly. i know i have self-esteem/respect issues... but i dont feel like i should have to prove my strength and self worth to someone who's supposed to care about me.is there anything i can do to make him chase me and want me and show how much he cares? or should i just end it for good...?
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female
reader, totsxx  +, writes (10 January 2009):
 its always hard to end it wen your in love with some one but they say you've got to be cruel to be kind and if she really loves you she should not hide things from you or even wen your talking to her she should understand were your coming from like if i were with someone and seen they were texting there ex id be up the wall asking 101 questions for sure but just have a talk to her see how it goes from there and hope everything works out OK for you in the end xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
A
female
reader, katieannie08 +, writes (9 January 2009):
katieannie08 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you both for your input... though it's hard to accept the fact that I should just end the relationship and be done with it, it's probably the smartest/healthiest choice. I need someone who's capable of being there for me and at least attempting to understand me. I just wish I was the girl he'd try harder to do that for, or maybe he's just not capable at all. I dont know...thanks again
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2009): Most people, even those who are supposed to love you, don't have the tools to deal with depression and it's complications. I believe you are not meant for each other and maybe you should end it for good. You need someone who's more caring and down to earth. Most of those happy people only care about happy things and they are cold hearted eventhough their friends would tag them as being 'warm and loving' they are not. They are only with you in the good times. I know it from experience.
I believe you might be prone to depression and should see a therapist to learn about this illness, because it is an illness, so you would learn ways to cope and try not to depend on your future partner so much.
I understand you because I'm like that and something similar happened to me with my last relationship. I was the perfect woman when I was at the church choir, was finishing my master's degree, and got a full time job; but when I quit the job and choir (he knew the problems I had with both) and stayed unemployed (against my will) for a loong time he suddenly couldn't support me. I was the one who ended up dumping him and never accepted him back. Hey, ain't nobody's going to reject me!
I congratulate you for knowing you deserve someone who understands how lucky he is he is with you and not someone who only accepts you when everything is 'happy'. Your self esteem and your relationship with God are the most precious and powerful things you have in life. With both of them you can conquer everything. Don't let anyone or anything become in the way of them.
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