A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating this guy for about a month, and when we started to get intimate he pulled away. I still see him all the time and he always acts so weird around me now. When I saw him at work he was avoiding me, but my friend said that he kept looking at me. Then when I was hanging out with his roommate he came in the room and sat near me, but wouldn't talk to me unless I would say something directly to him. He just kept trying to get his roommates attention, or maybe he was trying to get mine. I can tell that he is still into me, but he avoids me. When I try to talk to him about us, he gets defensive and doesn't want to talk. It is like he wants to be with me, but he won't let himself. I know that he was engaged before and broke up with him for no reason, so I think he might have trust issues from that. He won't tell me anything though, and I only know about his x because of his roommate. I love him and I know he really likes me and might even love me, so this is so stupid that he won't be with me and I don't know how to make him see that. Is there anything I can do to help him open up and talk to me, and do you think he will eventually get over whatever issues he is having? It has been going on for almost a month, and although he is better about talking and not avoid me so much, he still won't talk about us.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (25 July 2008):
 This sounds a bit odd. He certainly has issues of some sort, they might be to do with 'trust', or he might just be really uncomfortable with intimacy in general. A lot of guys grow up being taught that it's not good to show our feelings, and then as adults have to learn how to do that (in a relationship) from scratch. It's not easy, it's take me until my mid-30s to be able to be really intimate in a relationship, and I have a fairly normal background. It's especially difficult if the times you have shown intimacy you have had bad experiences (like being dumped).
This link is to a really nice article about the role of intimacy in a relationship, with some good advice on how to establish it:
http://www.coping.org/relations/intimacy.htm
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