A
female
age
30-35,
*thelonghaul
writes:Boyfriend for 4 years, thinking of getting married, is it a good idea?My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 4 years now. I say almost because almost every year we break up for a a month or 2. We have had to go through a lot together and it has been really hard. This last summer we were living together when things really went sour and it resulted in me leaving to go back home (12 hours away) even though i didn't want to leave him. Soon after being home I rushed into a relationship with another guy (who turned out to be a douchebag ) but i didn't realize that before I slept with him and basically lived with him. As i was debating breaking up with the new guy, my boyfriend drove all night to get to me and propose. I turned him down sadly because i was dating this other guy and because he should know that I slept with this other guy. He told me it didn't matter and he loved me anyways.Well.. i still turned him down but a few days later I broke up with the new guy and started talking with my boyfriend more. I wanted to still be single for a while because I wasn't confident about our relationship and if it would just end up in shambles again. So i kept my eye out for another boy to come along. Over the next 2 months from then I saw my boyfriend 3 times and kissed 2 new boys. He only knows about one boy i kissed... i had been trying to be very open with my boyfriend because we weren’t dating and i thought it we wouldn't be getting back together. But the second guy I kissed, we also ended up having sex. It wasn't pleasurable, or orgasmic... was simply an insertion... and I feel so disgusted with myself because a week after that I decided I loved my boyfriend so much and that I did want to marry him and not be with anyone else. But, i kept telling my boyfriend to wait and be patient with me while I figure out my head.. and it turns out... in the same week i realized I loved him more than anything, the week I had my clearing moment, he got tired of waiting. He started going out with some new friends and meeting girls and i told him i want to marry him and he now says he's not sure about it... Basically what this all comes down to is that I want to be honest with him and not keep anything a secret... i want to tell him that I slept with this other boy. But i don't want to hurt him, be him knowing that i did sleep with that other guy has really hurt him... And i am afraid that I am already running out of thread to hold onto him by, if I tell him about guy #3.... I am afraid he will be so hurt, be he had been waiting for me that whole time and I was so certain I wasn't going to end up with my boyfriend... i just feel guilty about it. I don't want to lose him.
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female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (14 April 2013):
 Hi
I would leave him alone,he has new friends is going out and socialising, meeting new people.
He had waited for you to decide what you wanted and all you did was date,live with a guy,that finished,then you had rubbish sex with #2.
That says your not ready for ANY relationship,certainly not marriage to a guy who you constantly argued with and left.
Have a break from men, all of them, your just not mature enough to handle one yet.
He is not the man for you so let him go, you need to do the same as him,meet new friends, socialise,learn about yourself, be single.
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (14 April 2013):
 I think you need to grow up. You're not capable of an actual relationship, much less marriage. You're right, you need to be single. At the very least, you need to end things for good with this guy you keep yo-yoing back and forth with.
You're also in no capability to have a boyfriend if you can't say no to sex or kissing while you're committed to others.
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