A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a small issue. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years. A short time compared to other people. Almost six months into our relationship i pretty much moved into his townhouse with him. Then in may his lease was up and had to move back to his parents house. He's 23 and I'm 22. Because he moved to his house, i had to move back to mine. He works at a restaurant and really loves it and the people, but recently, pretty much since he moved back to his house, he has been spending almost every single night at one of his co-workers places. He says they and few other co-workers play poker or drink and hang out all the time, but somtimes there are girls from his work there. He and I met working in a restaurant together, so ive seen how he flirts to get what he needs, good tables, better customers, ect. This isnt a trust issue, becuase i sincerely know and believe that he loves me and has never cheated on me. He says that he spends the night over there because he cannot stand to be in the same house when his parents are home. But lately it seems like he would rather do things with his co-workers then be with me. We hardly see each other any more and the time we do spend is interrupted by a "restaurant activity" and i have to leave because he is leaving. I asked if i could go with him and he said that its restuarant people only, no one else. I said its kinda f'd up that they wont even allow bfs of gfs, but he still went. He tells me he wont go if i dont want him to, but then its like a trap. cuz the fight about not letting him go would only be a few hours away. Even today, he asked me over, i rearranged custody plands for my 5 year old so i could see him and 2 hours into being with him, driving 30 minutes to get there, he gets a call from work, they ask him to work and with me right there next to him he says yes and breaks my heart. I dont want to put up with this s***, but he is so manipulative that he says i asked if it was okay and you said yes! help1 this is really causing me some serious depression issues. what do i do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2008): Hey guys, its the original poster of this problem. Thanks for all your help. But i really dont think its other girls. That is really my gut instinct telling me. Its more of how do i talk to him about how im feeling without letting him make me believe its my fault somehow? but thanks again for all that you guys have done. :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2008): You have my empathy, what you are going through is not nice and it is not fair, but do not drag this any longer.
What ever his reasons maybe, being it another person, or enjoying his freedom, it is all irrelevant, the bottom line is: this guy is not "into" you.
You are not in a committed relationship, you might have had one when you were staying together, but it is gone. He is treating you worst then even a casual friend just dropping by for a quick visit; to go to work after all the trouble you went through to be with him.
Reality, kick his butt!
MOVE ON! Get out there, meet people, find somebody that will value you, love you, respect you.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (19 June 2008):
 I cant say for sure that he is seeing someone else but there is definately something wrong here.
By choosing them he is sending you a big message, he doesnt really see you as a serious relationship and for some reason prefers to drop everything for them. Either he is just not that committed to you or he has realised since moving back with his parents that he wants his freedom.
I think you need a serious heart to heart to find out if he is truly happy in this relationship as I dont think he is.
It is healthy in a relationship to have time away from each other, see other friends and pursue different interests but he is living the single life style here whilst you put everything on hold for him. If he is not willing to involve you in all aspects of his life you may need to move on x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2008): Hey.. I'm sorry but I think I agree with Collaroy..
This man is clearly playing you. How else will you explain him standing you up knowing well that you left your 5 yr old someone else so you can spend time together?
Even if he is not with anyone else, I am pretty sure he is on the look out or trying for some girl.. there is no other explanation for his behavior.
Sorry I had to be so blunt.. but I do hope you realize and see beyond your trust in him. Its men like these that make it impossible for women to trust..
Love.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2008): Seriously - you shouldn't have to put up with this... This is whack - call it off.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (19 June 2008):
 Hi there,
I'm sorry to say but all indications are that he is seeing someone else.
You have to know deep down that his "restaurant activity" excuses are a load of bull. You have given him your complete trust, the problem when you do something like this it is very hard to realise that you have been wrong.
He is giving you the runaround.
I hate to say it but I have met plenty of blokes who have girls like you sitting at home waiting faithfully for them while they go out on the town bonking anything that moves. Sorry mate, but he is being very dishonest with you, the sooner you wake up and realise your trust has been broken the better.
There are men out there who will be faithful to you so dont lose hope, but also dont keep faith in someone who is being deceitful and lying to you.
You deserve better.
Good luck.
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