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female
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anonymous
writes: My partner of 15years is obessed with himself and the gym,Two years back my partner joined the gym and i was happy for him,but he has taken it to far now.He started spending all his free time down there.I was left on my own alot,so i started my own hobby up,while i was doing this i became friendly with a man and was stupid enough to have affair with him,probably because i never got any love and attention at home,i became so upset and confessed to my partner what i had been doing,in a attempt for his attention but he took no notice.Things have become worse,he's started buying pills and potions now for body building.He has had no work on for a few weeks and this has made the household budget tight and i have told him we will have to make cut backs for a while,but he doesn't care if we have no food or the bills are paid,as long as he can pay his gym membership.And he was sulking because he had no money to pay for it and was going to sell things in the house to pay for his obession.We have two children but doesn't care about them or me and only for himself.I told him to leave but he won't.We hven't talked many times about this but its no use.
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female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (29 January 2006):
 He sounds truely obsessed and I suggest if he is not listening to your cries for help you apck his bags whilst he is at the gym one day and leave them outside the front door. He will listen to you then!
Try it, stand up for yourself. Don't become bitter and twisted by allowing him to control your future by ignoring you.
Good luck x
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2006): You are telling me, that your partner has taken up a hobby he seems obssessed with it and spends little time with you. I agree he is 'obssessed' especially when one is behaving so self-centered he forgets his responsibilities. Communication and compromise are two words that come to my mind here. Your relationship will sink even more than it has, if the both of you can't reach a compromise where he can still uphold his end in this family by honoring his responsibilities and commitments that is expected of him. I also agree, he needs to decrease his time at the gym to make time for you and the kids. You need to strengthen your negotiation skills and not tolerate this. Negotiation means that you may not get him home, 24/7 but perhaps, 4 days and the weekend, would be reasonable. Not only that, your children need their Dad to play an active role in their lives. They are losing out here, bigtime. A happy relationship is about balance, mostly balancing our wants and needs against our commitments and responsibilities. He's gone overboard and you need to set some boundries. A boundry has to be clearly defined. Don't be wishy-washy. Speak the truth, forthrightly. If you can't do this on your own..get help. Look for a good relationship counselor and get into for a session. Your man needs to understand about his committments and responsibility.
But now..about this infidelity of yours. I am really questioning your acting out behaviours here, dear. I know you are hurt right now but don't get so primarily focused on 'your' needs, that you're willing to risk all for a few short-lived moments of meaningless sex and attention? The big secret about love and relationships is not about someone 'loving you' and fullfilling just your needs. It's about your ability to love yourself and the people around you, regardless of what you get or do not get. I wish only the best for you..but I feel opening the channels of communications and setting some boundries is in order. And don't forget..look into some counselling. I think it will help.
Hugs, Irish
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2006): he says we can't afford for me to go,and he goes with his friend,he has just wasted £45 on a heart monitor now.He uses this place like a hotel and i'm his scivvy.
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A
male
reader, omgaya +, writes (27 January 2006):
it is a good thing that u both talk. the gym mania is another way to get your attention. for a moment did u think that the fault could be yours?please don't start an affair again.look after your self - why don't u join the gym too? cash may be tight, but try and find a way through...it might be the missing link u are looking for.i know u are going through a tough time, but keep your chin up.wish u all the best!omgaya
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A
female
reader, smeedle +, writes (27 January 2006):
 Wow wht a selfish person he is, sadly people do become obsessed about things and his gym has taken over his life and imacted heavily on yours and the kids, normally i would say ditch him and manage on your own but it seems you may have to work through this as neither of you have anywhere else to go. you do need to start thinking in terms of being a single parent as you are almost one now and at least then you would be able to manage your own money and not have the kids go without so he can buy his potions etc, look into it, go to a one stop advice shop, get the facts on benefit entitlement, if you are in a council house put your name down for a single transferre, start planning and look into all your options then face him with the stark reality that on your own with the kids you would be better off both financially and sanity wise, this will do one of two things, he will either choose the gym and then at least you will know where you fit into his life or he will knock the gym on the head and settle down to being a family man and maybe both of you could go to the local sports centre gym at weekends together, make it a family thing rather than something that is his exclusively. there is room for negotiation at this point i feel but my suspicion is that he will put gym before you as it may already be an obsession. good luck but remember to gather information as that is power for you, face facts and be brave.
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