A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Cupid, I really need your help! I feel so silly writing on here, but I figure it's the easiest way. If I ask my friends what they think, I know how they'll respond and it's safer to get an unbiast opinion...Anyways..I've been going out with this guy for around a year and a half. I'm not gonna list all the great things about him coz it'll take so long, but the main thing I love about him is that he's honest and trustworthy. Yet, one major problem. From day one he's always been kinda backward or shy about us. I've always thought he wasn't that interested in me as he rarely made a move on me, even tho he was the one to ask me out! At the start I even asked him this and said I thought he kept me at arms length. He said to never take his attitude as meaning that he doesn't care, it's "just the way he is." So after a great year, I'm starting to get soooooo frustrated...he's still the same as day one. He's never told me he misses me, never mind he loves me. I've told him manys a times how much I care for him and he just replies that he never knows what to say in those situations. Shy? Some may say, but come on, after a year?! This story could go on forever, but i'll cut it short. Basically, I'm at the end of my tether! It's been TWO WEEKS since he's got in contact with me and he hasn't even tried to meet up. He says he never wants to bother me, which is why I always have to arrange it. I always have to get in contact with him and it's always made me think that he mustn't care that much about me. So my question...what am I gonna do? I think he's the first guy I've ever actually loved and have been thinking about telling him recently. Tho I'm so unhappy because he just never seems to have those feelings about me and if he does, he never shows it. I really, really don't wana split up with him, but I can't keep on going like this... Waiting for him to text r call, waiting for him to miss me...He's only had one girlfriend, and he always says how he doesn't mind being single. He's def not a lady's man and would never cheat. I guess, all I want to know is, what can I do?It seems easy to answer "just talk to him n tell him how u feel." I've done that. He just says he does like me n I shouldn't think he doesn't.Tho it's not enough for me. I need someone to say it. N if not, then he needs to show me. He's not very tactile either, so that doesn't help... HELP!!!!! What should I do? Break up even tho I reallllyyyyy don't want to? Or continue on and just hope that one day he'll say he misses me or loves me? Or just accept he never will n try n live with it...? Please give me ur advice!
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2009): Guys are taught to be "manly" and to not show emotion, so maybe your guy is just like that. It seems like he prefers to have his own life, where he does his own thing. Being a couple doesn't necessarily mean always being together. He might enjoy his space. But if you haven't heard from him in 2 weeks, things seem a little odd. Communication is a very important part of a relationship, so talk to him and figure things out. You won't be able to change him, so if he continues to act like this, you have to decide if you are willing to accept it or perhaps it is time to move on. Sure he has his good qualities, but you seem to be the one to put in all of the work and that is not fair- a relationship is a 2 way street and you deserve someone who will be there for you and treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Good luck!
A
male
reader, funnyintit  +, writes (29 September 2009):
 It's really hard to understand what is up with this guy...
How far away does he live?
He doesn't appear to be giving enough to your relationship, I think the best option is breaking up with him, it miht be hard to do, but you are hurting yourself continuing with this relationship. Him not telling you he misses you or loves you isn't a real problem in my opinion.. He hasn't been in contact for two weeks is so so strange!
You have to tell him how you feel and judge his reaction, if he isn't enthusiastic, you might aswell tell him to fuck off!
We're young, we have plenty life to live...
:) xxx
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A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003  +, writes (29 September 2009):
 This one's tough because you seem to love him very much. And unfortunately he's just not ready to man up to either telling you he's into you or not.
It could very well be that he likes you a lot. Maybe even loves you a tinge, or maybe a bit more. The problem is you have a "soft talking" guy. He's the kind of guy that won't get emotional with you, and so its impossible for you to read him. And this, of course gives you mixed signals.
Add to that his aloofness, and maybe the problem is he's got doubts or you have them; and no one's talking straight talk.
So, the advice of course would be to bluntly ask him if he loves you, and ask for a yes or no answer. And if so, ask him why he's constantly running away and hiding from you.
If you can't get a straight answer, perhaps maybe its time to break it off.
Personally, if I really love a woman, I want to be with her all the free time I have. But that isn't true for some guys. Some guys are lone-wolves. They work their magic and retreat somewhere until they're "needed".
Its a tough call on this one, and without the communications flowing both ways, no one can tell you for certain what's going on in his head.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2009): You do not like him the way he is, and he will never change. Apparently he is not an initiator. More than that, I believe that calling him and always arranging dates is the same as begging for his attention.
He has told you he doesn't mind being single. He has also told you that he doesn't know what to say in situations like your telling him how much you care. IE, he is uncomfortable listening to your feelings because he does not have the same ones.
All your actions are doing nothing but pushing him farther away. If he really cared for you, he would make a move in spite of himself. He seems to like you but definitely is not a long-term candidate. Accept that and move on.
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