A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have meet a man online whom his business requires him to work at home and always in the computer monitoring it daily. We been together for half a year now and we get along very well and fallen really deeply in love. The thing is I find it bit wierd when he always stay at home and had not much life in the outside world. He have less friends (most of them are all married except him) but he has a bubbly personality he told me that he had enough of all this happenings outside during his younger days and now had mellowed down (he is in his mid 40’s).We plan to settle down next year but im not sure about settling down with a man who don’t go out often. Is there a life being with someone who barely go out except going to market, post office, bank, or clinic. I would like to work outside but he might be checking on my whereabouts cos he is kind of possessive sometimes. He loves me so much but can be irritating when all his attention is all with me. Have asked him if I could have my own space sometimes to do my own things but what he answer is im always here if u needed me. But when im doing it, he start calling and ask what am I doing? he ask if i can get online while doing housework, no chats but he just wants to watch me on cam cos he misses me so much. Tell me is this healthy ? I love this man and he really is a sweet person but it annoys me sometimes. This is funny im complaining but I love him no matter what or who he is. I only wanted to do my own things without him - how can i tell him in a way that I will not hurt his feelings.Appreciate your advice.Thank you. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2007): My second marriage started similarly. Then he started having moods when I took my friends home so I could not do that. He would walk off in a huff for no reason when out with my sister. I started to feel I could not call anyone except from a phone booth. He even started getting in the bath with me. Then he started reducing the area of the house that my little boy could live in until he was only allowed in his room. By then I decided to leave and was making plans. My psychologist said as soon as he physically hurt me, if I had not managed to leave by then, that I must do straight away and take our passports and birth certificates with me. Then he bit me and dropped a huge knife on the floor, on purpose near my little boys feet. So I left. We have needed endless counselling.He ran his own business as an insurance broker and the people who worked with him had known him for years. They thought he seemed kind, his family were nice, he was very shy and a bit odd but nothing else to notice. By odd, he would stare and sit with his head tilted. I just though he was in a dream. Now I know there was something else and it was scary. This man is starting to control you. They win you over by being sweet. My husband used to massage my aching back and bring me coffee in bed every day. My psychologist told me he was "grooming" me which means he was making me accept his control by trying to pacify and soothe me. Please be very careful. Test some thing out. Take friends home, do the things that you always have like going out with friends and inviting them back. You will find that difficult because you have already started to adapt yourself out of your own habits to accomodate his control. This is dangerous and if I were you, knowing what I know, I would be out of there like a bullet and not look back.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2007): Hi Love
You no Im going to tell you that you to should have a life, And if he chooses to stay in then so be it, But for you to be a free spirit you cant just stay at home with the web cam on so he can watch your every move. Hunny thats no life, I no you love him deeply I would just have a really good talk with him about the way you are feeling and reasure him how much you love him but you need your you time, And no its not healthy at all, And your only complaining because this is the only part of your relationship that makes you a little unhappy, But as the relationship goes on it could make you alot unhappy.
Have that talk and I hope it goes well for you TAKE CARE LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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