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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi I hope you can help. I've been with this guy for years now - almost 9, to be exact. We went through hell to get to where we are now; that's why I feel so hurt and rejected now. I do really love him ,not just love, but really 'in love' with him. I just want to be with him all the time and I still feel butterflies when he is around, which is strange as he lives with me, but anyway...A little about my relationship: we're close, very similar when it come to our beliefs, morals and even the way to bring up kids is similar, which is kind of a relief that we think alike. And we have a good laugh together; I mean silly laughing, when we don't argue about stupid things or things that have no relevance to anything. We're extremly loving, caring and close except for sex. It isn't happening. It's obviously my fault as eveything in life is. I have had a hard life with my parents always using me for this and that but that's another story. Anyway my boyfriend knows I'm interested in having sex - well not just that the whole intimacy thing, kissing etc - and he doesn't actually acknowledge it. It's like I don't exist, can't even remember the last time I even got a compliment. Guess my relationship isn't perfect after all. He hasn't gone down on me for over five years he doesn't make excuses anymore; I don't even ask. Can't remember the last time my whole body was touched,i f we do make love, it's most of the time from behind like I'm not good enough to be looked at or something. Well thats how I feel. He never really touches me during sex either, no proper kisses. And I always get him in the mood by giving him a blow job first (I do give good blow jobs, if I say so myself) ha ha. But still he never just looks at me and thinks 'oh I want to shag her'. He'll talk about sex and say things like 'I'll shag you later if you do this or I might shag you later. I'll see how I feel first'!! Like he's doing me a favour or something. I couldn't never ask him to do this and do that. And no he isn't impotent or gay, as he seems to look at other women's asses, breasts, legs perfectly okay and isn't shy about telling me that either. If I do bring up the subject it is always my fault. I don't do it for him, my body isn't sexy, my legs aren't toned or muscly enough.I am the most open minded, adventurous person. The first 3 years of our sex life was great, fun and very pleasurable, and now nothing all because of me. He says he still wants me but how can that be? I think I'm attractive; in fact I get told all the time. I'm petite and weigh 8 stones have olive skin and dark black hair, yet I feel so ugly and horrible inside. I feel so rejected by the man I love. I hate getting compliments from other men. It's not the same.I don't feel confident dressing up for him and doing mental things anymore because of rejection and it really hurts. He used to say he loves the way I am very ladylike but a slut in the bedroom. How can a great sex life go so wrong? Or maybe it wasn't that great? But all I know is if it doesn't get sorted soon I think I'll be brokenhearted and I know it's not everything but it's flaming important all the same. He can be so nasty about me sometimes. If I tell him about himself he gets so offended and holds a grudge. But me, I have to take all the abuse and be strong no matter what! Like I said, I have had a hard life, always being the strong one, but always getting kicked down at the same time. Now I'm rejected as a women. What can I say? Help me! I'm fed up of being strong and the responsible one. I just for once want to be looked after and not worry about anything.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, ms childress  +, writes (18 July 2010):
well i have been with a guy for 12 years and he never compliments me on anything all we do is argue. He even dont even say how good my cooking is and i know i can cook. Listen to this he gets up every day mad and i dont no what to do because this relationship is driving me crazy. please give me some answers.
A
reader, Angel-lee +, writes (25 November 2005):
Dont blame yourself!! give yourself some credit for christ sake! its neither of your faults that sex is happening for you. Sit down with him, tell him how your feeling about it, tell him what you would like him to do to you during sex and what turns you on and get him to tell you the same thing in return. The only way you are going to get this sorted is if you communicate.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2005): You sound like a worderful woman, my type except for the fact that you have not told this "boy" to get! No woman should take abuse from any man for any reason and vice versa. Being strong is not about being in abusive relationships. Sounds like fear is driving your destiny. Leave him, alone is better than what you wrote your life is like. Guys like me are out there looking for someone to care for, cherish and love. GO DO BE!
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