A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I've had 4 dates with this guy, and now he says he needs space and things have moved faster than he's comfortable with.... we haven't even kissed, but emotionally we are very attached; we had also chatted on msn or talked every night for the last 5 weeks. That was 6 days ago, and last night he sent me an msn message saying "hello how are you"... which I received 10 mins later.... and then didn't hear back from him - did he lose his bottle? I'm totally frustrated that he hasn't let me know why he needs the space.... although he has a major exam in a few days time. He has been married twice, aged 53, and I'm getting divorced. I don't want to blow it with him, but I am losing my cool, as yesterday I texted him and sent him an msn message before he came online...What should I do now?
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divorce, msn, needs space, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2008): If you really want a loving relationship that will last until you die, then working with someone who you care for, see a future with, but who is currently having a rough time by being patient; sharing with each how the problem makes you feel; what fears you may have because of it, and working together to support and share in the responsibilities of taking on that part the other is less able to. If you are not able or willing to act as a coach; a best friend and either as mother or a father, then you are not ready for a relationship with anyone.
None of us are perfect, we all hold bagage from the past, and if we can't participate as a loving partner in supporting and being compassionate to others needs, as well as our own, we will always have nightmare and frustration relationships.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2008): I dont think i could be bothered with all this carry on at that age, so think long and hard and maybe give him a big elbow. I would walk, sorry but i cant put up with childish nonsense like this. He doesnt sound to me like he wants or even needs a relationship.
take care
xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2008): To me, it sounds like he's not too sure about having a relationship with you right now.. Maybe give him a bit of space for a week or 2, then ask him what he wants to do, and how he feels. I know its hard, because you obviously like him a lot, but give him time to decide what he wants. Good luck :]
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2008): You are falling into the classic trap. Men don't like too much emotional intimacy all the time. They like to go in their caves and be able to switch their attention to another thing without a women immediatly demanding "Me, Me me!!!"
He has an exam. Maybe you are not as close as you think. Maybe you have come on to strong and he enjoyed it for a while but is finding it a bit heavy. They are usuallly very simple in motive, it is us that overthinks the psychology into massive proportions.
If he wants to see you he will be in touch, you can't make him want to and the more you push, especially now, the less likely it will be. Face the fact that you are not in control. It is not that bad. Grip the uncertainty and spend some time doing stuff you like to, stop thinking and thinking about this man.
Don't be needy, men like to think a woman is discerning about who they want to be with. They don't want to be like a girlfriend.
My advice would be to find a way to joke through it. This example is a bit sily and may be the sort of thing I would do if I made a big booboo. You may find it mad or wierd but perhaps can think of something you could do that is you, that he would "get". Here goes: If I were you I would be likely to find a pair of wind up false teeth and send them to him with a card that said: "Now I have stopped talking and typing I realise my teeth have fallen out and I wonder whether you would mind putting them back?"
Even if he never contacted me again I would at least know he either had a big laugh, or would thank his lucky stars that he finished with that mad toothless woman.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2008): Short answer is to agree to go slowly, give him space. When someone says this, give me space, then they truly really need their space. It can be for many reasons, but no doubt there is turmoil in the head that they haven't been able to fix/heal. He may also realize that his past has come back to haunt him, this can be triggered by something that took place between you two or even a coworker, or something seen on TV. Him want space is to help protect you and this relationship.
Hopefully in time, he will be able to discuss these important issues with you that you both can have a meeting of the minds, that you both agree, which will bond and strngthen the relationship for the future.
Emotions, feelings, good and bad, are always with us until we resolve them, and act upon them to prevent the situation from accuring again.
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