A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:hello. i grew up with a violent father and also suffered mental abuse. there were times as kids when we thought we were going to die and we also ended up on the at risk register. he would drink the money and then come home and beat us but mainly my brother who would have his head nutted of walls and bleed once he had finished with him. we had broken noses and bruises were normal for us, many many times we had to run from our beds in the early hours to get away from him and there were times my mother even walked the streets with us till light and he had left the home.we were told we were no good, would never be anything and that we should go out and play on the roads, that we were ugly and useless.it affected us all naturally and were all lacking in confidence, over emotional and my brother now is on medication for schizophrenia.that was almost twenty years ago.around three years ago i saw him in the street and he stopped to talk. there were no apologies or anything but he paid alot of interest in my children. i began to see him regularly in the street after that and each time he would get to know my children a bit more. now its at the point where he worships them and they likewise. i let this happen as i bleieved he was wanting to try and put some of the past right.i personally hate this man but i am civil for the sake of the kids, and the conversations never go past talking about the kids.a few weeks ago he collapsed in his home, after the hospital found nothing to be wrong he was sent home. since then he is acting weird, such as forgetting my kids names, looking blank at times and doing things that are completely out of character. he even forgot how to open a door.he is like a different person and its hard to describe.he forgets quite alot and i know he takes alot of medication for high blood pressure and various other things. i am guessing that he is forgetting to take them.i rang the doctors and explained the way he is and that i think there is something wrong on a mental level but they said that unless he goes voluntarily there is nothing they can do.the coldness i feel towards him is strong, and i cannot for the life of me go to his home and check up on him. as that is the home i grew up in and i will never go back inside as long as i live.i rang his sister who has not seen him for years to let her know whats going on hoping she would find it in herself to help him. she went a few times and agreed that there is deffinately something wrong and that he sat there singing to the television. she lives quite far away and is not in a position to be around for him. plus she also has no feelings for him.he has no one else to help him, and for the life of me i have tried to convince myself that its the right thing to do and help him but i just cannot. as cruel as this sounds i would rather just move and let it beafter the past we endured.the last time i saw him was when i walked past his house, his lights were all on the curtains wide open and he was staring at the walls which were in the process of being stripped but he had painted bits where the paper had been torn off with red paint.does anyone know what kind of help he can recieve? i honestly cannot give it myself, but maybe you know of something?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2009): I am so sorry that you are feeling the burden of watching out for this horrible man, he certainly doesn't deserve it. For your own good, distance yourself from him. You can forgive him in your heart, but your mind will NEVER forget what he did to you and it was dare I say...unforgivable!
I think you should seek counseling to explore why you feel any obligation to this man.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2009): The fact that you are still showing concern for your dad shows what an amazing open hearted person you are. I think your children got lucky having such a lovely person for a mum. Inspite of your awful childhood you have grown into a compassionate woman. Good for you. As for your dad, the doctors are wrong that they cannot do anything, as suggested you phone social and they and his doctor should go and investigate what is happening to him. They can then, if neeeded, section your dad and give him the help he needs. I always find an excellent way to get the support you need is to write letters to the doctors and social, and on the top of the letters write copies sent to Dr. whoever and Head of social services. This way the doctors know that social has been informed and social know the doctors have ben informed. This forces each party to act approriately as they cannot pretend they were unaware of the situation. Good luck with everything.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2009): i am the original poster.
thankyou for the quick responses, i will contact social services, and also try the link below.
very gratefull
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