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female
,
anonymous
writes: My relationship with my guy is really wonderful, he makes me so happy. However, i have a lot of issues and i'm not sure how to deal with them and whether it's fair on him to be in a relationship with me while i'm like this. I'm a really neurotic insecure person. This post will be really long if i explain these faults, so i'll just bulletpoint a few major one's:-When I'm with him i love everything about him and i want to be with him for the rest of my life and love him to death, but a lot of the time when i'm not with him i become unsure of my feelings for him, consider breaking up with him, then change my mind because i know i'd miss him too much. Because this sudden change of feeling i like to spent as much time with him as possible so i never have to deal with this.-I'm really paranoid. I'll be perfectly fine 90% of the time, and then i'll somehow convince myself that he's not a wonderful person, he's just screwing with my head, he's actually living a lie and he's got a fair few women going on at the same time as me.-I'm scared of confronting him about his major faults incase they cause arguments and he breaks up with me (he's done this before)so i just have to ignore them or pretend i don't care.-Sometimes I just miss being single so much that I get really depressed, even though he means the world to me.-I think about him pretty much every second of the day, and consider me being single a completely different identity to me being in a relationship.I'll leave it at that, because although there are quite a few more you probably already think that i am insane. Do any of the above seeem like normal feelings for people in their first serious relationship? If not, should I tell him I'm feeling this way? Or should I break it off because It's unfair on him?I think he's 'the one', I'm just so scared of losing him that I can't trust myself to feel the way I should when I'm not with him.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2006): HI
i will answer your questions the best i can :)
"I'm really paranoid. I'll be perfectly fine 90% of the time, and then i'll somehow convince myself that he's not a wonderful person, he's just screwing with my head, he's actually living a lie and he's got a fair few women going on at the same time as me."
Has he given you reason to think this? If not then it sounds like a trust issue.You have to try to trust him a lot more otherwise it will screw you up and it would only be yourself doing that to yourself.
"I'm scared of confronting him about his major faults incase they cause arguments and he breaks up with me (he's done this before)so i just have to ignore them or pretend i don't care."
I.M.O. No you shouldnt really have to ignore them.Everyone has their faults including you myself and everyone else.If the "major" faults bother you that much and its effecting you then yes you should bring up the subject but in a very tactful way and dont linger on his faults for too long or make such a big deal of it.
"Sometimes I just miss being single so much that I get really depressed, even though he means the world to me"
How much time do you spend together ? maybe you are spending too much time together and not having enough quality time to do your own things or have your own space.This sounds perfectly normal to me if you are spending too much time together.Ive been through it myself by spending too much time with my partner.Plus if you spend every chance you can get with your partner its not always a healthy thing even though it might feel like it at the time.
"I think about him pretty much every second of the day, and consider me being single a completely different identity to me being in a relationship"
That sounds perfectly normal aswell.You havent got just yourself to think about now as you have a partner so you have to think about what he wants and his feelings too and not just your own.
You said you are in your first serious relationship so feeling like this will probally take time for you to adjust.These sounds like normal feelings to me i have had these questions pop up in my head so dont worry about feeling insane because you are not if you are then i must be too for having these feelings when my relationship first took off.GOOD LUCK and try to contribute to the relationship as you have been but also think about having time to yourself from time to time to do your own things.
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