A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:"OP Own Title" I love my boyfriend and I think he wants to propose soon. I am struggling with a huge issue though. I feel very uneasy about the fact that we live 24hrs drive away from my friends and family. I have no support system here. I am not close to his family. I feel I am missing my old life before moving here to be with him. I was unhappy when I didn't have anyone but now I feel unhappy with him because I am without a social or family life. I know that if and when we have kids that will be my family but I won't have my close family and friends to share that with. I am so confused and don't know what to do. What if our relationship went bad when we have kids? I feel I would have nobody...I don't relate to his family so much. I like them but they have very differant values and maybe it's cultural differences. I feel very alone and insecure at times. Is this normal? I talked to him about moving to my home city but he just started a business. Maybe in a few years but that may never happen. I don't know if I could be 100% fulfilled here. There are many + to living here but to me I value friends and family #1. Flights are long, expensive and my friends all have kids now which doesn't allow them to travel. My mother who I am really close to has a younger boyfriend and he won't retire for while. I am in a real struggle.
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male
reader, TimmD +, writes (19 July 2010):
 Marriage is about more than just love. Couples have to discuss many things including finances, whether or not your having children, how you will raise those children (which beliefs/religion), as well as where you will live, etc. It's not just about love, or "love conquering all" because it is rarely that simple.
The fact that you love him is only part of it. Yes, you are happy with him in your life, but clearly you are not happy in general. Is he worth losing all of your family and your friends over? Not to mention the fact that you do not get along with his family. If you are to get married then they will be your family too. So in essence, you are agreeing to "marry" them as well.
I'm not saying you should ditch the guy and call it quits. But I also don't think you should be getting married at this stage. You have too many questions lingering and marriage would only make it worse. I think you need to sit down and have a big, long, serious conversation with your boyfriend right now. Head of him asking you to marry him because that'll only put both you and him on the spot. Talk openly and honestly about all of your concerns.
You've sacrificed pretty much everything just to be with him. But I think for a marriage to work with him he will have to sacrifice some things as well. Otherwise, you should really be open to the fact that it just may not work with him.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, Lulu Walls +, writes (19 July 2010):
 It doesn't sound like you are seriously ready to commit to this man. Perhaps you need to move back home with family & friends for a while. It will give you a chance to sort things out and see what this relationship is really made of. If you are having trouble relating to this man's family now what do you think it would be like if you actually married him? When you marry you take all of him for better or for worse.. that includes his family too. I think you need to back up and take a second look at the whole situation from a distance. Be true to yourself. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonomous_1 +, writes (19 July 2010):
If you have to ask yourself are you ready than you're most likely not. I can't tell you if you are ready are not that's a question only you can answer. If you are unhappy and feeling lonely than you don't want to rush into it before you thought it all out. Think of how much it will positively and negatively change your life and determine whether or not you could live without seeing your family so often and if you have kids together you have to think about if you could accept that they may not be able to know your side of the family that well and if that is something you could live with, marriage does involve making sacrifices, but on both ends so maybe you need to talk it over where you both can come up with a solution where you both can be happy and comfortable sorry if i wasn't very helpful but this is a big life changing decision that you have to do a lot of thinking and soul searching to make a decision on your own because if you let others influence your decision you may end up regretting it in the future
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A
female
reader, clareloux  +, writes (19 July 2010):
Hey , i think you should move back home our you could move close to home ? . You dont feel comftable while your there , if things get more serious wont that tear you apart ? ,He could just sell his business our travel to see how his business is getting on ? you have to put yourself 1st within a realtionship and if he loves you he would respect your choice .hope this help's xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2010): You love your boyfrend a lot dont you and shure you wih your familie and frends fer there to uport you but your far away from them i you dont need them to suport you you need yourself to suport you . When the time is redy and he eill proopose you will be more then redy you will make neu frends wich you will grow very close to just get out there and relac dont worry to much it will just give you a migrane.
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A
female
reader, johannabanana +, writes (19 July 2010):
 If it is that upsetting to you can't you just talk to him about selling his business and re-started close to where you family and friends are? Also try getting envolved in your community. If you make so friends you won't feel as unhappy as you do right now.
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