A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I have been together almost 7 years now. He has trust issues with me. Constantly doubting what i say, asking if i cheat/cheated on him, asking about my past relationship, thinking things have gone on when they have not. all i have ever done is tell him he is wrong about me, he has it all wrong and he needs to trust me. I one time when we were 16 lied about talking to an EX BF. to this day he doubts me and thinks that I have lied and seen him. I have not lied to him, yes i did lie to him at first but i came clean and that was not even a year in to our relationship, i was 16 and talked on the PHONE to my ex bf. Last night things got way out of hand. We had been hvaing problems lately and not talking much (not my choice) so i cam home yesterday and talked to him told him i missed him and we made love for the first time in a few days. We were good for the evening. once we sat down to watch soem TV he started asking about my ex bf who i never even think of any more. He asked about our sexual relationship, and if i still love him and think about him. This is a frequent conversationas much as i try to avoid it. Now that i ahve heard these things so many times i almost instantly get really upset and defnesive b/c i have done nothing wrong and i hate bring up the past and like to look in to the furture. So he kind of spoiled the night for me and himself. We went to bed and i was sleepy didnt want to have more sex. He wanted to of course and i did but he got upset in the middle of things says i was being weird. it was 2 am i was sleepy and i was not in the mood. we were talking/arguing he didnt like what i was saying. That i didnt understand what is so wrong, why he was SO upset at me. He threw a pillow on my face as hard as he could. His anger continued to escalate he ended up in the kitchen with a steak knive to his stomach crying histaricly. I hugged him and hid the knive, during all this he started to throw up. i cleand up everything and he was laying down in the office. i left him alone and went to our bed, i was sitting down and he came in and hugged me for liek 10 mins. told me he was sorry and he needs love. I told him that he needs to trust me and believe in me, and i love him so much. we made love (still wasnt in the mood as you can imagine but i did it for him) I have a feeling he only apologized b/c he wanted sex. We woke up and he still apologized and asked if i was mad. I told him "no that im not allowed to be mad". He knew i was mad, he said "dont be mad b/c that makes me mad". I said "exactly im not allowed to be mad". Left to work. I dont know what to do. Actually i do know what to do. But i cant do it!!! i never can leave him. I feel he needs help, he needs to get away from whatever it is making him so angry (me). I text him right now told him i cant see him like that anymore especially if it is my fault. That i am leaving to my moms house and will not come back unless he gets help. He has not responded. I have asked him several times to get help. These suicidal episodes happen very often. Not only him being suicidal but violent, threatening, very scary. He does not trust me, he is not confident with himself about alot of things. Always somthing is going on can never be drama free. I feel like he is bipolar. He can be so happy and outgoing and be the best happiest person alive, but when things dont go his way or he has some delusional thoughts things get ugly real quick. I feel he manipulates me by saying he will kill himself b/c he does so often. Any advised/info/anything anything will help!! I plan to follow through for once leaving. Please help.
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male
reader, uncle bob  +, writes (12 March 2011):
 The help you seek cannot be found here on this site nor any other site for that matter.
This man is in need of intense professional therapy or maybe even hospitalization. Something your probably not trained for. I suggest you call your local mental health crisis unit and tell them of the situation and ask their advise. If you feel he is an immediate danger to himself, inform the proper authorities at once.
If you feel your own safety threatened, get out immediately, and call your local police.
If this man is "Hellbent" on destroying himself there's really nothing you can do about it, other than what I've stated earlier.
He may be on his way down, don't allow him to drag you down with him!
Your not responsible for his well being,
HE IS!
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (11 March 2011):
 Yes, please do leave. This is a horrible situation, and you are not helping him by staying either. In fact all you do is tell him he can act this way, and throw away his own responsibilities, because you are there to pick him up. So he can go crazy, and you will still be there. You tell him that this behaviour is ok.
He needs to work on himself. Without you.
Break it off. Imagine what another person would do in your case, how to proceed. You'll need a new place to stay. And if he is known to be aggressive (which your story confirms) bring your belongings with you so he can't steal them/throw them out etc. Don't be naive and trust him, he has not shown you that he can be trusted with his own life even. Pick up your things when he is not at home, or when you have good friends and family with you that will stay with you and help you leave.
Contact your family for help if needed, or good friends if your family is unreliable.
Then do what you would do with anyone who threatens with suicide: you contact the authorities, or their family. You are not his therapist, remember.
This man is manipulating you and using you to satisfy his own needs. Once you leave him you will be happier, and I don't just say that, I mean it. You are not happy like this, are you? How could anyone be? Do you think this is normal behaviour? Do you think it's healthy? It's not, and there is NOTHING you can or should do about it. These are all things that are HIS responsibility. But he is treating you as his rug, to walk over to feel comfortable himself.
He passed out after abuse, leaving you to clean up the mess. He then has sex with you when you do not want to. Where, in all of this, has he shown any level of care for you? He is only pleasing his own needs, and you are left to struggle not only with yourself, but with his behaviour as well.
It is not your fault that he is the way he is. But he will not change for as long as you stay with him. He has no need to change, because you are still there. So why should he.
Work out the practical things. Then do what you must do.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2011): i really feel for you.he has some serious issues possibly even cheated himself seeings as he mistruste you for no reason.i think you need to get out of this relationship as soon as you can i know this will not be easy as yoou love him but he will drag you down. why do us women end up feeling so guilty about the actions of our men when it is them with the serious problems. i wish you all the luck in the world to have the strength to walk away
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (11 March 2011):
 absolutely he needs help now. Don't wait until the situation becomes more dangerous to you.
His pattern of behavior is becoming more dangerous to you. Yes you did the right thing by going to your Mom's place.
You cannot stop anyone from behaving the way he is, for it would appear his brain may not be functioning normally.
And get some counselling for you.
But first he needs a Doctor and fast and a referral to a psychiatrist asap
While I sincerely hope you never need to deal with him dying from suicide, please
also check out my article on surviving after losing someone who has suicided.
Suicide solves nothing. But it certainly leaves far more problems behind, than the perceived problems of the one who is ill in their brain, as is/was he, when he threatened suicide.
This problem is far too big for you to deal with alone. And too scary for you to stay with him, when his mind is acting so weird that his behavior frightens you.
Take care,
Regards,
Abella
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