A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating a guy for 8mths now. We see each other saturdays and sunday nights for a night out due to family commitments and we have great fun together. What started out as Saturday fun has ended in a 'relationship' of sorts which he pushed for. I say this because our only means of communication is texting ... by his choice and due to misinterpretation this causes problems I need to talk but he doesnt. I've asked to meet up several times just one other day a week even for coffee or a walk and do the ordinary things that doesnt involve going to the pub or going out even a quiet night in I'd love.but theres always an excuse. It seems to me he just suits himself mon-fri his time minimal contact he texts how are u ? I reply asking the same and could be 5hrs before he responds ignoring my question. Then Saturday full on texting as he wants to meet. I feel pathetic as all ive ever wanted is his time and for him to talk to me . He says he misses me but makes no effort. He professes his loves me by text but he is so hot and cold its unreal. He said he'd change but maybe this is him we've had the same discussion so many times.. I love him but i never know were i stand. I'm not demanding at all everything I want is free do u think this is unreasonable?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2017): thank you to all who replied you all verified every thought & emotion i have had for months I met him on the night i had posed the question & before i saw any replies and spoke my truth. I split with him face to face gave himva hug & left.its just comforting that I wasnt imagining this. So thanks for the great advice xx
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (10 February 2017):
 OP, he isn't going to change.
He is quite happy with status quo - him only seeing you when it SUITS him (on weekends) and not having to REALLy put in an effort with you.
He "says" he wants to change - because YOU bring up that you aren't happy with the crumbs he tosses you. So when you "complain" he makes promises to get you to stay and not mess with the "order". But in the 8 months, you two have been an "item" he hasn't really tried to fulfill YOUR needs for more time, more effort and better communication and contact.
If you want more, let him go. You say you love him, but really what you love is the IDEA of him. You have the "watered down version. The "version" you love is the guy you THINK he could be if he actually gave a single F about your NEEDS. Which means, you are dating him for his POTENTIAL, not him.
And you are WASTING your time hoping he will suddenly change.
HE won't.
WORDS are cheap. Saying things like:" I miss you! " doesn't mean he ACTUALLY misses you, he is just saying what he THINKS you want to hear. And so far... it's worked, hasn't it?
Loving him will NOT change him either. YOU have to accept that you CAN not change another person. So my advice? Either accept that THESE are the CRUMBS he is willing to give you and be "happy" with that... OR let him go and find someone who WANTS to be with you. WANTS to talk to you. WANTS to hear your voice and see your face.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2017): No you're not being demanding at all. You're being reasonable.
I think he has either a wife or a girlfriend; and breaks-away a weekend for you.
It makes absolutely no sense that you can't reach him during the week; and all your communication is restricted to text messaging.
I agree with aunt honesty. Sounds very fishy to me. I think this guy is already taken.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2017): It sounds like he IS married or has another woman in his life.
You are going to have to get to the bottom of this before you get hurt.
I know. I've been involved with a married man and these are all the classic signs.
I'm sorry. :(
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (9 February 2017):
 Nope you are not. He wants a weekend girlfriend. He does not want to see you with anyone else that is why he made it official. However are you sure he is not married or with someone else? There must be a pretty good reason why he practically ignores you during the week. I would find this behavior suspicious.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2017): hun, i was in the same situation, over a year ago,he won't change, you are his hidden girl toy,he is just using you till someone else come in the picture,then he will ghost you,and you will be all broken hearted, dump him first, maybe then he will realize, if you mean anything to him, but I don't think so, i know its will hurt you do remember the pain of getting dumped, please don't ghost him, show respect an say good bye to his face, he doesn't deserve it, but do it an walk away, good luck
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A
female
reader, 02DuszJ +, writes (9 February 2017):
 Some men can be lazy/ have too many commitments, hobbies that keep them busy- if he doesn't text you every day it doesn't mean he doesn't love you as a rule.HOWEVER the fact he doesn't make an effort to compromise on your needs is one red flag- there's loads of posts about people needing different levels of contact but people who genuinely care meet halfway.If they're not big tech communicators, that's fair enough. But surely he knows how you feel, and he should prioritise you more after 8 months.Its also hard to keep away from someone you're in love with too right? One night at the pub is not enough... Knowing how you FEEL he should not carry on in the same fashion. Its a reflection on his character.Pub dates are also unthoughtful / lazy if that's ALL he still does after 8 months.. This guy wouldn't be wooing me this way... I genuinely think he's using you a bit... At some point he'll have a week night free for some dinner right?! I'm very sorry but I don't think he's in love- men in love mostly do what they can to make their object happy. It's not a reflection on you... I think he's treating you with a lot less care and love than you deserve... Some guys/girls dont know how to treat their girls/ guys... Because they're too selfish/ lazy/ immature/ mentally screwed/ narcissistic etc. Although you say you love him, bottom line is you've been unhappy for a long time and he's shown he's not going to change. You're strong and you deserve and need more. If you're not invested in a relationship, the decent thing is to be honest and not string them along. I really wish you well and hope you do the right thing by yourself- there's a billion others who will make SOME effort to make you happy. Take the reigns, get the relationship/ happiness you deserve
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