A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:When we first met, I was signed with a modelling agency so I had acquired some money. However he was/is a university student and his parents pay for his costs. He is the only child and I've observed he has little understanding of the value of money just judging by past comments. I'm not modelling anymore, transitioning and waiting to find other work in the next few months. I'm 20, so my parents are happy with financially looking after me. Initially I noticed he was hesitant to buy me food when we were out.Our first proper date, he asked if we could go Dutch. He's not the romantic type where he would buy me flowers. I was somewhat offended by this. Whenever we go out for lunches or dinners, he occasionally will offer to pay full but only when his parents have told him that he must pay. I even noticed a few times while at his house, we would be on his computer, I would mention that I'm hungry and I could easily make something at his house yet his mother doesn't cook so there are few condiments, whereas I was brought up in an environment where if you're hungry, you either make something, eat what is left or go out and buy something. I would mention I'm hungry yet he would just change it to the fact that he's not hungry and won't eat lunch therefore we probably wouldn't go out. I remember once instance where he wanted me to get the morning after pill as he was nervous, the clinic only took a particular payment so I had to end up paying. I thought at least, he may have passed some money over afterwards. Yes I can move past that because in scheme of things, it is small but I do notice it and sometimes it hurts.It's my birthday coming up and he wanted to send me his bank statement regarding something else, I noticed he spent $300 on something so I asked what it was. He said it's my birthday present and that he made it clear he spent a lot of money on me, this somewhat made me feel bad. He said to me "Even my parents asked why I've spent so much money on your birthday present when I've only known you for 6 months" I reassured him that I never asked or expected this. It was almost like a guilt trip - that's how I felt anyway. I had a flight booked to travel with him for a few months, I accidentally canceled it. He was obviously angry as so we're my parents for wasting their money. He said he would buy me a ticket as he wants to see me that badly - which he did and obviously I was thankful. He just kept mentioning that he's spent a lot, worried he'll be low on money and that I must pay my own way when I come on holiday and that it's fair if I pay for some of his food expense. It sounds like he wants us to be level, which at the end of the day is fine yet if I had that original ticket, my parents would have spent 1k plus other money for me while I'm away. I doubt he would level me up and spend 1k on me. Anyway I and my parents don't have an issue with this. Fast forwarding to one conversation we were having one night as he may be working overseas for 6 months, he mentioned he wants me to come and study there yet he cannot pay for me. That I would have to essentially pay for my own expenses such as living expenses (not education)Also when he's spoken about marriage before, he's said that if it's possible, it would be cheaper if we lived with his parents for some time being. Obviously I would do anything if I want our relationship to work even if I believe it would not be a happy dynamic.I've politely brought this up before that even though I understand we both are currently not working, I feel somewhat offended. In regards to the money - it sometimes feels like a contract and that he has an issue with spending money, on me. He was a bit defensive at first then kept reassuring me that once he works, he will pay for everything.Ps I am not that traditional in a sense where I believe the man should ALWAYS pay. I hope my point is understood.
View related questions:
cheap, flowers, money, on holiday, university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2017): I find it interesting that you are so free with your parents money... discussing he's bought you a new ticket to ensure you come on the trip, and then discuss leveling up financially between you with what you spend and that your parents would have spent 1k on you for the trip and you doubt he would have done the same... why do you rely so much on your parents? At 20 you should be stood on your own two feet and particularly because you aren't the one in full time education- he is, and maybe he's more thoughtful about spending his parents money- maybe he doesn't get as much as you? Maybe he has to pay it back? I would suggest you get a job my dear and support yourself, because to me your moaning sounds odd given you are not spending your own money on him, but the generous handouts of your parents to a fully grown woman who isn't working to earn to support herself.
A
male
reader, Been there Now over it  +, writes (10 February 2017):
He may be stingy, but I'm just as worried about him being inconsiderate of you. When I was in college I knew guys who were practically penniless but they would at least acknowledge their girlfriends were hungry and would come up with some way to do something about it.
Being inconsiderate and cheap are two traits that one easily drops when they get some money, because we never have enough money, no matter how much we have.
You don't ask a question here but if you are wondering whether to drop this guy, I'm all for it. If you don't, I'm afraid that you will continue to suffer disappointments after disappointments.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2017): Id be asking when his voice is guna' break... Or if he's ever really had a girlfriend. Thing is he sounds too clueless and immature to be in a relationship.I don't mean to sound too stereotypical but mature men are aware of that hunter-gatherer instinct, rather than that please look after me attitude, where they've been doted on for too long. A MAN in love goes out and gets what his gf needs to make her happy. Not saying it HAS to be that extreme but if that provider instinct isn't there, gotta ask why? Often a sign of an immature guy/ little drive. And of he has little drive for himself, he's not going to be arsed to dote/ woo another that much. It's not on to let your gf/ bf sit there in your house going hungry... You could of gone out(I would've left the gaff and headed straight for the nearest shop) however that point blank attitude to not even BOTHER accommodating your basic needs would be a red flag for me.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2017): If you're both not working, and he has very little money of his own; of course he will be quite stingy. He's used to counting every penny, and if his parents were paying his way; it wasn't his money he was spending. It was theirs!
He grew-up in a household where everyone fusses over spending. He is always nickel and dime-ing; because he's always broke.
I have to be honest. It's one thing to be a penny-pincher; but I draw the line at stingy. I hate when someone throws it in my face how much they've spent on me; because I have a generous-nature. I will spend and think nothing of it, but it will not interfere with my bills and obligations.
Generosity and a giving-heart is important to me in the selection of my friends and lovers. I can understand when you're on a fixed-budget; but if it is always an issue you have to verbalize to my face? GET...OUT!!!
I caution you not to stress your relationship over money-matters. If you're unemployed, you have little to complain about; because you are limited in what you can offer yourself.
During and after college, are our leanest years. I'd give him benefit of the doubt, since you're both broke. Tolerate it only so much.
If he continues to complain too much? Get a job; and then get a new boyfriend.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2017): I'm not traditional in that manner either, and honestly I find his behaviour hurtful, to say the least. He seems way too money-minded for my taste - moreover when he actually does spend on you he makes you feel guilty! I would rethink my relationship status if I were you.
...............................
|
