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female
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anonymous
writes: HiI'm looking for advice.I am not happy with my life, i am 26 and i feel so sad like my life is slipping by me. i wish i was 17 again. i would do things so differently.me and my boyfriend have been dating for 4 years now, we have split up a couple of time for short periods. but im not in love with him, i care for him alot and love him but we never ever have sex, are rarely intimate, he says its cos hes tired, worried about money, but this has been like this for absolutely ages. i wonder if we are more friends/companions? but then i get jealous/hurt pangs if he talks/looks at women, etc surely i wouldnt feel this way if we were only 'friends'?i look at friends reunited all the time to see what my old school friends are up to now and alot of them are married, travelling, living in america australia, or have children. i envy them. to be fair i did move country with my boyf to see if my life would improve but i feel it has but not enough.i look at my life and think what i am doing? nothing. i have a good job as a secretary that i enjoy but its not what i want to do.i studied drama and acting at colege but cant do this as its impossible to get into.i work 9-5 mon to fri, spend sat and sun, pottering about by myself, shopping as my family live in another country, i dont have any close friends.my boyfriend works mon to fri and weekends, so now we dont even spend any time together, i am off when he is working he has no choice he has to work these hours to earn enough money.every night is the same, we come in from work, eat dinner together then we are tired, we watch tv, go on internet, then he plays xbox game. sometimes i play but most times i go to bed tired, ive asked him to come to bed earlier, with me but he plays games, looks on internet and falls asleep on couch and comes to bed very late we dont even say good night anymore we never go to bed together.ive talked about this and he just says i know its like this but i feel he is thinking but what else is there to do. might as well just carryon like this.at work they ask oh what r u doing this weekend is yout boyf taking you away anywhere! i just say i wish, i long for someone who would go away to exciting places, there is no romance whatsovever, i feel like i do little things for him, but i feel he very rarely does things like this for me.i look at other couples and am envious, i realise that yes they'll have problems aswell. but they look happy.my life is boring, i feel im livin like an old woman, working, eating, going to bed doing the same thing again.should i leave? but then i will be even more alone as i dont have any friends and my family who i am not overly close to live in another country that i wouldnt like to live in again.i feel if i get rid of him ill be even more unhappy and alone. i know my mum thinks hes not good enough, and i should be with someone else.i dont want kids, not bothered about getting married but would maybe like to one day i just would like to live my live, go places, see things, do things.but it also scares me that i wouldnt ever get another guy, i wouldnt be able to trust him, i wouldnt be good enough for him to stick around.what should i do?
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male
reader, realguy +, writes (20 November 2006):
I know you situation feels patheticaly hopeless but believe it or not it is incredibly simple. You just have to be ready to hear the answer and then live it. Easier said then done right?
To start, let me tell you that I have walked in your lovers shoes and looking back at it, it still gives me shivers. To be blunt, you are feeling so tired and old, not because of your experiences or his lack of attention, those are the symptoms. You are feeling this way because your addiction to each other is sapping the very life energy out of you that would actually eventually be your solice and your cure. The reason you have no freinds and invigorating life charging experiences to date, is because you've allowed yourself to stay with someone that you are not madly in love with. Sure, you are a good person, sure you have shared much together and you love him but you are not eroticaly, passionately in love with him as you MUST be. I don't think you can think yourself out of this one but need to make a change for both your sake if you care about yourself and care about him. Both of you are keeping each other from finding your true selves out of fear and insecurity. I'm not trying to bash, again, I was that guy for 5 years of living with someone I loved a lot. It was just the wrong girl. Now I'm with the right partner and it couldn't be different, in both the relationship and the quality of my life, family friends, etc, they all follow the good energy you will find when you live true to yourself. Don't get me wrong it's like any other addiction, it will be very tough at times but buck up and know that there are other passionates out there and other amazing experiences you have yet to live because you are YOUNG ! Even though you are not 17, you are still at the very beginning of your erotic, passionate life. Don't throw the dirt on your grave just yet. Best of luck and let us know how you make out.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2006): I have totally been wehre you are- and I feel extreemly old and I am only 20- but this is how it works- i was in a realationship wtih someone i didnt love and didnt have sex with and I realized that he wasnt even my friend either- he was nothing! Just a crutch to feel like I had company. I also just worked and went to school and dont have alot of other friends- and this may be hard- but I reccomend breaking up with him. Once you do, and take a little time to get over it. Just be free- totally free- and its difficult being lonely for a while- but try not to be reminded of him because you dont need to be a companion with a person without getting needs filled. Once you have figured out things on your own- join a club, find some hobbies- go out to town by yourself. I do this and its great and I dont have alot of friends but I am really satisfied being able to do projects on my own etc. Sometimes independence is an incredible thing- and it may seem scary stepping out into that void but you will feel incredibly youthful again- try taking up a sport or you know... go to a class etc. Work on finding you and trying new things and you will be so enthralled- you will feel young I guarantee. If i can do it you can- its totally worth it. And you meet people in the process.Hope this helps
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