A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:So i've been with my boyfriend since mid November, i love him dearly but i've always had a few trust issues with him. As of lately theyve gotten really bad, he wont give me his Facebook password, uses the excuse "i change it to much, ive forgot it." Yet he can still get on it. Now he's currently.in kpep.but is supposed to be released soon. He has a job and is supposed to return to kpep once he is done, but.if he gets out early he stays out and i fear hes going to see his ex and her daughter. I just have a hard.time trusting and believing him lately. He's been in kpep since December and ive been.hanging out with one of my best friends since then and i fear im starting to fall for him... i love my boyfriend but have a hard time believing him, how do i talk to him?
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best friend, facebook, his ex Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2015): like the women said below me ( in other words ) The people who usually end up cheating are the ones who are worried all the time that there partner is going to cheat .
You have no right to know his facebook password that is his own thing .
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2015): Which came first; the not trusting him or the falling for his best friend?
It's common for untrustworthy people to become suspicious that others are equally as untrustworthy as themselves.
Unless you are simple hoping for an 'excuse' to leave him for his best friend?
You do know that you can ask for things as much as you like without it making the other person obliged to do as you ask, right?
Poor guy.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 April 2015):
 So you have been with him BARELY a month before he went into some kind of probation program and somehow because YOU don't trust him - you have a RIGHT to access his Facebook page? ARE you his probationary officer?
As a GF (or fiance or wife) you (general you) ARE NOT entitled to his passwords.Let's say we weren't talking social media here, but his PERSONAL and PRIVATE diary... would you PRESUME you had a right to READ that too? Because you date him and don't trust him?
IF he isn't TRUSTWORTHY you riffling through his Facebook is NOT going to change that. HE is who he is, no matter how much you snoop. Snooping will NOT "fix" him. (nor you).
And then there is the fact of the matter that you are ALREADY starting to develop feelings for another guy... To me that can only mean that you DO NOT love your BF as much as you think you do or want to.
If you CAN NOT trust your BF, don't BE with him. End it and find someone who is WORTHY of your trust.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (6 April 2015):
 Good grief. You aren't entitled to his facebook password. Period.
Either you trust this man or you don't; AND you so obvious DON'T!!!
...So, why are you with him???
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (6 April 2015):
You are cheating on your boyfriend? Why dont you break up with him if you are unhappy? Either you trust someone or you don't, you are not entitled to invade someone's personal space. Even if you think you are, you wont feel any better invading it, and you would be classed as controlling. You are pulling quite a double standard here.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (6 April 2015):
 IF my G/F asked me for the password to my Facebook page... THEN I would know that our "relationship" had run its course....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (6 April 2015):
 You're not entitled to his password so stop asking. If you don't trust someone you keep your distance from them. You have no right to try to restrict anyone's freedom for your emotional convenience.
Why would you continue to invest in someone you suspect isn't all that interested in you and/or has a history of exercising poor judgment?
Your trust issues are yours to overcome, not his to accommodate and really it's YOU you don't trust. It's YOU who exposes yourself to unnecessary risks. I can't be absolutely certain that my neighbour won't steal my wallet if given the chance, but that doesn't entitle me to chain him to a telephone pole so I can leave my wallet on my front lawn. My sense of security comes not from the assumption that my neighbour is a moral person, but from the steps I take to secure my valuables.
Since you've already decided you don't believe him then nothing he says will matter, so Tisha's right, there really isn't any point in further discussion.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (6 April 2015):
 You are not nor never will be entitled to your boyfriend's Facebook password. That is an invasion of privacy that you should stop asking for.
You either trust him or you don't. If he's a cheater, it wouldn't matter how many passwords you had of his - he'd cheat if you're surveilling his every move and text and email and message, and he'd cheat if you didn't.
Bottom line - if you don't trust him, leave him. Don't play games or bother with privacy invasion. Leave him.
If he's on probation, why are you with him?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 April 2015):
 Trust is critical. what has HE Done that causes you not to trust HIM. Unless you don't trust him in general based on what OTHERS have done, then not trusting him is a sign that you need to heed.
You have been with him for 5 months and you "love him dearly" but you don't trust him. I am not sure how you think you can love someone you don't trust. I know you can THINK you love someone you don't trust but it's not the same thing.
"he won't give me his facebook password" And I'm sorry he does NOT have to do so. You are not his wife, you do not live together. Privacy even within a marriage or living together situation is still an entitlement.
IF he gets OUT... so right now you are NOT trusting a man who is in a program and has to be accountable to the COURTS and you are afraid he will go to see his EX....
and you are falling for your bestie....
oh what a mess you have.
if you don't trust him and you don't believe him then you don't have much especially if he's only towing the line while he's on probation. IF he goes to his ex when he has the freedom to do so and you are falling for your bestie.. the the time as come to end the charade.
"how do I talk to him?" I interpret this to mean "how do I break up with him?"
how about "bf, we have issues, we are fighting too much and we ar e not even together because you are in kpep. I think it's best if we go our own ways and get on with our lives separately."
why can't you just end it with him? YOU are not responsible for him or his feelings or his behavior.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 April 2015):
 If you've only been with him for 5 months and he's in a residential probationary enhancement program (which is what the 'pep' stands for in your 'kpep') and you have a hard time believing him, I think it's time to call it off. Presumably he committed a crime which resulted in his incarceration/probation; not a good start in life for a young man.
Lack of trust is a relationship-killer. At the 5 month mark, you should still be in the honeymoon period.
If you don't believe what he says, what's the point in talking to him?
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