A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:How is it possible that last month I was very attracted to this guy, I thought he was this incredibly good looking person and I was really excited to out with him, i was like a little a teenage girl always checking my phone and feeling really happy when he texted. But then he made this sleazy comment, I know he was just joking and probably didn't mean it in the way I saw it. But still, the comment was a bit insulting and just made him come across as a desperate guy that it was a real turn off. It's a shame really, because now I'm not even excited to see him anymore, when he texts I don't get the buzz of happiness and I'm never checking my phone to see if he has texted and when he does, i'm not too bothered. Even more so, is that now I have no idea how this has happened but I don't find him as attractive; I can tell he's gorgeous. But somehow when I look at him now, the attraction isn't that great, hardly anything.My point is, how is that one comment has suddenly made me feel differently towards him and also why is it look wise he doesn't look as incredibly good looking to me when he clearly is. How has that all happened from one little comment?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2014): Cerberus is spot on. Once someone has said something, boom... it's hard to forget it when it was sleazy, mean, insulting, hurtful etc. Even worse when they try to excuse it/cover it up/minimise it or worse still, blame it on you or tell you you're too sensitive and it was a joke and all the other excuses people make when they realise they've blundered beyond possible redemption.
Speaking from experience, one of my biggest mistakes was to ignore this kind of stuff and really, people always show us who they really are eventually. You're finding out early on, bonus!
A
male
reader, justaguy71 +, writes (1 April 2014):
Arent you going to tell us the comment? I think you should just move on. Guys, watch what you say, we speak without thinking! Sexy/very handsome people are usually assholes, I;m sorry, that's the way it gos lol
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2014): That's just the way it is, dating is getting to know someone and it can only take one thing or one sentence to completely turn you off someone. "I have a kid" "I think homosexuality is an abomination" "I live for Jesus", see? One sentence can completely turn you off someone. I don't find single mothers a turn off but homophobes or devout christians become immediately ugly to me and I can't reconcile that.
It can happen the other way around too. When my wife first mentioned that she liked the same rpg's as me suddenly she became a bit more amazing than how I previously viewed her, and also become bit more physically attractive too because she'd suddenly become a little more appealing.
OP it happens and you shouldn't ignore it, it's really not something that can be moved beyond. Once you're turned off someone it just doesn't come back, I mean this is early, impression phase of things when he's on his best behaviour and already he's come out with that. It's a sign of things to come and your alarm bells have started ringing already.
It's not shallow, it's not vain it's just how the mind works.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (1 April 2014):
 I think when you first met a guy you are attracted to you get that "buzz" and you build him up to be this "perfect person" and when they show you a glimpse of something you don't like, the poor fella starts to slide down from the pedestal.
Because you realize if he can say "this" he is NOT that "perfect guy" you thought he was. And if he can say "that" what else kind of crap can come out of his mouth?
And like the two other Aunites pointed out - it can be a red flag and your GUT INSTINCT is to STOP the "buzz" to make you think, IS THIS OK with me or not? It can be a foot in mouth comment, but it can also EASILY be WHO he really is.
Just because a person is pretty/handsome on the outside doesn't mean that they are good people, nice people, decent people, not skeevy people....
The fact that he became "less attractive" in your eyes is because you don't feel his "comment" MATCH what a gorgeous person should be like ON the INSIDE.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (1 April 2014):
 Its how we work. Or, it's how most of us work, those of us who also find personalities attractive. For most of us, personality outweigh superficial looks any day. But look on the bright side, this also means that guys who you didn't think were that gorgeous to begin with, can with the right comments/right personality turn out to be Greek gods, in your eyes. Which is a good thing!
I've also had this happen several times, guys I thought were cute suddenly just look ugly because.. well, their personalities were ugly, and it colours how we see them.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2014): Maybe he was showing you a glimpse of his true personality, the mask of trying to impress you slid off slightly... or perhaps a lot? It's a good thing, take it as a warning.
I was with someone who made some downright nasty comments at the start of our relationship and I ignored them. Turned out he was an abusive user. Always trust your instincts.
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