A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've asked several times about boyfriends cheating while intoxicated, and also gave the story about how my boyfriend cheated and how he's worked to regain trust.Once again I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your amazing advice.Now I need advice for myself... How do I get over this? It's been seven months since he slept with her, and about 6 and a half months since they last spoke... I have nightmares about it, I think about it sometimes during love making, I always ask him to compare us... (she's officially besides me the only other girl he ever had sex with)... I love him, I really do. I know he loves me too... I mean I know if he wanted her he could drive 15 minutes to see her rather then the 3 hrs to see me every other week or so...But I just can't seem to get over it still. I envision them together all of the time, and I'm driving him mad with the same questions... for those who haven't read past posts by me I'll go ahead and just copy and paste them under this one... But any steps I can take to not always feeling the need to bring her up or think about what he did with her and how I can trust again without worrying so much? Please...---------------------------------------Old posts:Now I posted this once with a few replies, however a few questions are on my mind that I need advice on... here's the story once again, I'll ask my questions at the end.Story: I met my boyfriend online a few years ago, but we didn't fall for each other until we met in person last year. I have several strings attached at the moment where I currently am so it's tough for me to make the big move. He's a few hours away from me and drives nearly every weekend to come see me. Well this past February 21st he made a mistake. (His past: Ex-gf's, he remains friends with them somewhat, never had sex, I was his first.) Well he went to his little brother's birthday party, and around 9pm we stopped texting... He didn't send me his usual goodnight I love you text, or anything for that matter. I was worried sick thinking he drank and tried to drive home and got hurt, etc. Well finally at 8am he texts me saying he got drunk and fell asleep on the couch...A week later we met up at my house, the usual snuggling, etc... and some random girl I never heard of texted him (supposedly she was the babysitter at his brother's bday and played with his phone because she was bored, and got his number) and when I asked who it was he said trust him and not to worry. But I had a bad feeling so I copied the number, and texted her from my phone later. On his way home, I texted her and she told me that they had gotten drunk and had sex the 21st. I was devastated. Finally I confronted him once he arrived at home, and he admitted to it after I told him she told me it all and not to hide it.This is how he claims it happened: He started drinking with his family, and later received a random text saying 'wanna f***' he asked who it was and it was the girl (I was able to read the bill - he doesn't know - and it's true she did spam text him). He stopped texting her back then an hour later she did again and kept asking him to just go do it and what she'd do for him. She he drunkenly walked with her to her car, they drove to the nearest gas station got condoms (2 - in case one broke) in the bathroom, and went back to her place where he laid on the bed. No kissing or making out occurred. It was pitch black, the girl knew all about me by the way, and she gave him a bj and then got on top etc. After they went back to his brother's house, and she fell asleep on one end of the couch, him the other. Later he woke up and she was giving him another bj, he was close to being sober and told her to stop before falling back to sleep. He woke up, she was gone, and he went home.He apparently talked to her over the week afraid she'd tell if he were to upset her, however I'm a little skeptical seeing as how one of the conversations ended up with her asking what he wanted and him stating she gave the best head. However he swears it was just talk, and said he never had ANY intentions of going back there, and was going to tell me but he was so scared to lose me. We broke up that night, and for the week after the girl tried to 'take my place' by texting him constantly, offering him to drive over and visit her (she's but 15 mins away) he didn't go back, but did talk to her (he really doesn't have many friends). When we made up, he told her we were back together, and yet she still tried to associate with him via text. (I saw the bill) When she texted after, he never replied since March 8th.He has also avoided going to his dad's worried she'd be there, and even missed his sister's sleep over party because the girl would be present.Apparently this girl has lots of 'f*** buddies' and my bf's step mom defends it.But since then, he's vowed never to get drunk without me present again, refused my offer of an open relationship or a trial break up to see what else is out there since I am his first 'sex and love' partner. He says I'm all he wants, he regrets what happened, and promises to never do it again.He wants us to move out, but I'm worried still... Though he's been honest and worked hard to make amends since we made up.Questions: 1. How was he even ALERT enough if he was drunk to buy two condoms in case one broke or something if he was THAT drunk? Or am I just over analyzing this?2. Now he said he had no intentions of seeing her again, and made it 'very' clear. However why would they have a conversation that went exactly like this (both the girl told me, and he admitted to it):Her: I'm having a bad dayHim: I bet I can make you smileHer: lolHim: Hah! I made you smile! What do I win?Her: What do you wantHim: Well you do give the best headHer: I knowNow even though it didn't make it to face to face again, why would he behave like this? I mean yeah I understand he was worried she'd tell me so talked to her via text to keep her mouth shut until he could confess to me, but seriously why did he have to get that bad?Once again, am I digging too deep? Even when we broke up he didn't go see her, and when we got back together he completely ignored her every time she'd text.Remember I read the phone bill w/o him knowing so I know she texted him first that night, I know he's ignored her since we made up, etc etc.Please help me ;o(
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