A
female
age
41-50,
*nnieapple
writes:My boyfriend is a wonderful man who I have been seeing for 10 months now. I know it's not that long but I have really fallen for him but he doesn't love me.I have known him for almost 2 years and we started out as friends. I started to feel like he was more than a friend about a year ago. When we started seeing each other neither of us wanted a relationship but after about 3 months I knew I wanted to be with him. I told him that I didn't want to be his f**k buddy anymore and that unless he wanted to be my boyfriend I couldn't handle sleeping with him. I was fully expecting for him to run away - especially since I know he's not really into relationships and he has always stayed away from them as long as I have known him. To my surprise he said that he wanted that too and we have been in a relationship ever since.The problem is this, I love him and have told him so (i figure honesty is the best policy and I have a hard time keeping my feelings to myself). He responded by telling me that while he cares for me a lot and has a great time hanging round with me that he doesn't love me. He said that he has never really loved anyone (and he's 29 years old!) and that's just the way he is. I respect him for being honest with me and know that he could have just told me he loved me too to shut me up.He treats me really well, always calls when he says he will, is fun and generous and is attentive without being clingy and we have a fantastic time together. The problem is that I want to be loved. I am worried that the longer I stay with him the more it will hurt that he doesn't feel the same way. I am also scared that he will meet someone who he does fall in love with and will leave me for her.I spoke to him about my fears and he says that he is happy with me and doesn't want anyone else. He really likes what we have together but just doesn't think it is love.Should I stay with him or should I leave and try to find someone who will love me? Do you think he may fall in love over time or that he will never love me? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Annieapple +, writes (20 January 2009):
Annieapple is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTurns out I was worrying about nothing. A month or so later he told me he loved me he just wanted to be sure he meant it since he’s never said it to another girl before and he wanted to be honest with me. So I'm happy now :-)
A
female
reader, familia_santiago  +, writes (20 January 2009):
 I know how you feel, I am going through the same thing. One thing is that I'd known him for 1 year and we were boyfriend and girlfriend 7 months ago and we went through a lot. I didn't see him for 5 months, didn't know nothing. I am in love and I told him I am in PA and he is in Puerto Rico but he is going to come here but he been sheated on for many time in his face and he tells me to take it slow not to hurry him. So just give him time, if in 5 thru 10 months more he don't fall in love well you just have to give up. I am in a worse situation because he has an ex and she is his friend and she's be trying to get him back one day and the other she dont but I know that he likes me because we have a good chemistry but he is very jealous and he always thinks I am with other guys.. so .. I am in a bad situation and I am 18 and he is 28 so it is irritating the situation but I love him till death.
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A
male
reader, Chippymunk  +, writes (14 December 2008):
 Indeed everyone needs to be loved. I would probably give him no more than a year (on top of your 10 months with him). If he still isn't able to grow onto you in almost 2 years time, then it's doubtful he ever will. Of course breaking up with him doesn't mean you guys still can't be friends or close to each other, and it sure beats having to explain to people why your boyfriend doesn't love you. Good luck, I hope it turns out for you!
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A
female
reader, Annieapple +, writes (13 December 2008):
Annieapple is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Chippymunk
Thanks for replying.
I am willing to give him more time and certainly don't want to pressure him into saying anything that he doesn't want to. I am just wondering how much more time to give him. While he treats me well and I appreciate his honesty I know that I need to be loved.
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A
male
reader, Chippymunk +, writes (13 December 2008):
Chippymunk's prescription: Give it a bit more time =)He may just be stubborn and is slow to fall in love. But if he still doesn't return your feelings after a couple more months, then I think the best course of action is to move on. I understand it would be terribly difficult to let the one you love go but it's something you must do. If you keep holding on, how will you ever find true love? How would he? It's for the best, for both of you.
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