A
female
age
41-50,
*harpes
writes:I have been with my fiancee for a few year,we knew each other from being 13 year old and hung around 2gther! Anyway we grew up had relationships and both had children! In first couple months togther he told me he used to have a heroine and crack addiction he said he did it for many years but stopped a year before he got with me,but he had turned to drink! Anyway I stood by him and have been a loyal true girlfriend but I think my boyfriend is doing drugs again and he has started bulling me again! He was nice to me when he needed me to lend him money and then cos he has had too much to drink he has started insulting me,he also stole from a supermarket and I was very mad and ashamed(he is 34 and has a child) he said he does it for buzz! He turned round and said a couple of years ago he saw me and I shouted hello and asked if he was on fb and to add me! He said he thought I was a trampy slag and was ashamed to spk to me! I was very hurt hearing this and he also he keeps mentioning other girls and how he cheated on his ex and that this 17 year old stalked him and she was well nice,I don't need to hear this and don't know why he tells me and then he'll start arguing and calling me names for things I did in my past! I truly believed we was soulmates and when we made love it was like we was 1 person,he said when he wants his end away he says all he got to say to a girl is "oh ur so sexy and beautiful" well he said all that to me everytime we did close things! I mentioned this and he just laughed saying well that's why I say to fat tramps I just want to use. He always refers about my weight and say I'm rough and have no class! It really hurts me and don't know why he stayed with me or even got with me. Its like he is Jekyll and hyde and its making me so low and down that I don't want to be here anymore. He also steals from my house and roots through my things when I'm at work! I'm only 1 who works and cnt afford for him to steal from me! All his dole goes on cigs n drink etc! I also buy things for his daughter has I have a good heart and we are family but he says bad things about me! But other night(when he wanted a tenner)he said he wanted us to get a house and live togther and he loves! He tells his family who he hardly sees that he works and doesn't drink and says he is rid of me! But he is lying! I've heard him on fone whispearing to meet some1( to get drugs I think) I believe he has had lasses st his home or gone there has after a week apart he come bk and I saw scratches on his neck and hands and when we slept togther well he didn't finish which isn't like him esp has we not done it in ages! He reckons he had a fight with a young lad for no reason! But I think its a rubbish story! Is all this drink and drug talk? When he doesn't drink and is just sober he is werider he can't keep still he talks fast and then gets even nastier and he can't sleep,he is very hyperactive and makes empty promises! He says he thinks he has adhd but personally I think its something eles but he won't go get help! Or maybe its all drugs he has done over years the upers and downers! What do you all think! Pls help! All advice appericated cos I really cnt cope anymore.x
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at work, drugs, fiance, his ex, money, soulmate, stalking Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (20 May 2012):
 Soulmates?? Seriously?
What exactly is it about this guy and his conduct that would lead you to believe you were soulmates?
Was it the heroine addiction? The crack addiction? The alcoholism? The stealing? The womanizing? The insults levelled at you? The bullying? What?
You're not supposed to have to cope with someone like this! You're supposed to put as much distance between you and that person as you can. Forever.
If you don't want your life to stink, then stop letting stinky people into it. Get rid of him and make an appointment with a life coach. There are some good therapists out there, but a lot of them want to focus on the past. You need to move forward and build a future.
....Soulmates...Good God.
A
female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (20 May 2012):
 Hi, You've said the perfect thing at the end of your letter, that you can't cope anymore....so why are you still there?He obviously has a drink and drug problem that is affecting your life negatively. He lies, steals and cheats and you are still there. He insults you and degrades you and makes you feel less of a person....but you are still there. He obviously isn't a good father as he sets a bad example for his daughter and leaves you to care for her....and you are still there. At what point do you think you should leave before he actually hurts you physically.Let me tell you something about addiction and humans. I am by no means a counsellor but I have been exposed to alot of people with addictions in my country and the psychological effects that it has on them is crazy. They will say anything, do anything and be academy award winning actors just to get a way to get their next fix, whether it is drink or drugs. They get irritable when they need a fix and have no way of getting it....all of a sudden you who were their God send to give them money the day before, have now become the nasty person who refuses to help them.....and the insults come.Stop making excuses for him and saying it is the drink and drugs....he made a choice to start taking them. The world is too easy now to gain knowledge on the effects of what these addictions can do to you....and he made a conscious decision to do them. No one had a gun to his head.It's your house, get him out..call the police if you have to....get him out and start living the life that you deserve. Love? Someone who loves you doesn't treat you like crap ...even if they are upset with you. Unfortunately, a child is now involved, it is your decision whether you want to keep her or not...where is her mother? If you keep her, then he will have to see her....and see you as well.You need to make many decisions for yourself. And your first one should be when do I want him out of my house? He is hurting you, stressing you out and denying you the potential that you have in your life. Get rid of the dead weight and baggage missy...Good Luck.
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