A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello, my boyfriend lied to me today..In the morning I was at his place (we don´t live together) and he told me to go home, because he had to learn a lot (he´s ending the college so I understand) but then when we were lying next to each other, he was texting with someone at his mobile phone, so was I, but then I look into his mobile phone (he wasn´t hiding it) I don´t know why, and I saw like he´s planning with his male friend to go out in this evening. He didn´t see I saw it. It really pissed me off, because he was telling me he´s going to be studying all weekend and didn´t want me to be with him..But he wants to be with his friend...I got really upset and took my things and went away from him..He didn´t understand why I´m so pissed, but I didn´t want to tell him I was looking into his cellphone...Why am I supposed to do? When he asks why I was so upset and went away just like that? And what should I do about the lie? Thank you.
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (4 May 2014):
 There is nothing wrong with him wanting to go out with a friend. Being a couple doesn't mean you should spend all your free time together.
The fact that he lied about it suggests to me that the only way he thinks he can have some time on his own or with his friends without upsetting you is to lie. Obviously I'm not there and don't know for sure, but your storming off in a huff when you saw the text message tells me you get upset often and easily.
Instead of getting upset every time he says or does something you don't like, just say what's on your mind in a calm, matter of fact manner and without making accusations.
This is easily resolved without the drama.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2014): I was married to a guy who lied while we were dating. They didn't seem like SERIOUS lies, so I overlooked them. Tried to rationalize them away like the other responder is doing. Like I'm sure you WANT to do, because you are invested in this relationship and love him. What I didn't know at the time was that my now ex husband was ALSO lying about going to college! He had dropped out and spent almost a year PRETENDING to still go. What I wish I knew then was that when people feel the need to lie about seemingly inconsequential things (like wanting some time with the guys, or if he paid the parking ticket or not), that it is possibly a sign of deeper issues (like living a double life) , as a grown up should just be able to say, babe…I love you, but I need some time with my friends to drink beer, swear and let off some steam (or whatever). Now, your guy may have lied just this once and made a bad judgement call. Or, he may have lied because he sees you as a mommy figure who he thinks will punish him for wanting to play with his friends on a school night. if it is the latter, its no good. No woman wants to be with a man who sees her as a punishing mommy, especially if you are just a nice girl who wants to be told the truth. Good luck, girlfriend.
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A
female
reader, BettyBoup  +, writes (4 May 2014):
 It's not great that he lied. But I guess he could be planning to study before he goes out in the evening. If he wants to go out with a friend by himself, that is fine. But he should have said to you that he wants to study AND see his friend.
Tell him you saw him text his friend so you know he lied to you by saying he was studying and that it pissed you off because being lied to sucks and is disrespectful. Tell him he should just tell you the truth in future, you are an adult, you can handle it :)
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