A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This is new to me, my boyfriend allowed his baby mama to sleep in his house while i was working away. He told me she is going to bring their 2years baby girl to the house and he was going to take them out, that was it and he stopped communication. Later that day, he took them to a party in his friend house until after midnight. It was an awkward situation hanging out that late due to the baby, so I had to ask what was going on and the situation got worse and I hang-up the call. I realized the following day, my boyfriend took them to his house and allowed her baby mama to sleep in our bed as he slept on a couch. When i ask him why he did it, said he did not know how else to do it. Is my boyfriend sleeping with his baby mama? I love my boyfriend and planning to have a family together but i am afraid he will break my heart with his baby mama, who seems single and doesn’t seem to move on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2017): Best not to date guys with kids under 16. Even better not to date guys you don't trust. The rules that apply for girlfriends; are not as strict as they are set for a wife.
They are much more flexible.
Guys who come with ready-made families shouldn't treat the mother of their children like lepers. He should treat you with respect, by always keeping a safe-distance from his exes. By contrast; they should be very close to their children. As all fathers should be.
People in relationships have to earn trust. You won't build it by creating questionable-situations involving your ex, or baby's mother, that will upset your present girlfriend. Especially; if she is the considerate, mature, and understanding type of woman.
Things shouldn't look "odd" or "suspicious." It should be easy to see things for exactly what they are. But, sometimes things do tilt; and girlfriend has to get a grip! When parents are dealing with kids, you have to adjust to that situation; and you may not like their methods. Your options are always open. Every room and building has an entrance, and an exit. You can leave and never return; when you don't like what goes on inside.
Guys with kids who are dating; should make sure his mate understands the type of connection and co-parenting style he shares with his ex-wife, ex-girlfriend, or the one-night-stand he knocked-up. His playing stupid should not be tolerated. Everything he does should be logical and justifiable.
In each and every case above; he will share space and time with the mother. Whether girlfriend likes it or not. As long as the kids are involved; that's his license and permit slip. Adult-children are excluded. There's definitely hanky-panky going on in that case.
A jealous-girlfriend who doesn't trust him will not be comfortable just knowing there is another woman who gave birth to his children. It is to her misfortune, that his ex didn't happen to die at child-birth. This is where the kids receive full-benefit. Let's hear it for the kids!
If he shares custody, it means he shares that custody with their mother (or the other father.) Their paths have to cross frequently. They sometimes may stay with the kids, in the same house; and their mother might be there too. Not much sex can go on with kids in the house. Parents can all attest to that.
If your boyfriend makes it a habit of letting his ex sleepover; there is more going on than meets the eye.
He really shouldn't have her over in your absence, but I didn't say never. He should go out of his way to keep things civil between his girlfriend and the mother of his kid(s).
Some guys like the competition and the friction. They set-up these situations on purpose. When it gets too much, it is best for you to see your way out of the triangle of drama.
The ex is bound to him by kids. You're not. In the case of a girlfriend who also has his kids with the same guy; he cannot have sleepovers or stay-overs at his ex's house. Nor can she stay-over at his house shared with his current family without your permission. The dynamics have completely changed. The children might compete and the ex could try to use that to gain his favor over his latest family. If families are well-blended and the trust is unshakeable. This never arises as an issue.
So, if you don't trust him; and he spends too much time with his ex when you're not around. Trust your gut, and dump him.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2017): There seems a growing trend of questions on here relating ex's who are the parent of a child are being treated like they as an individual are a social consideration of a persons current partner.
Why on earth was your boyfriend taking his ex out?? No no no! And the whole sleeping over thing while you are away? Oh no.
The relationship belongs in the past, irrespective of children they share, the past relationship makes way for the new one- that of respecting the ex is the parent of your child and building a new relationship with them on this arrangement. This doesn't involve taking to a party or sleeping over while the current partner is away, just no.
Now I think you need to talk to your partner and relay how it makes you feel and what is not ok for you, and see what he has to say. Then decide what you indeed to put up with and what you don't.
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (30 August 2017):
 First of all not, 'Baby Mama'. You are an adult so speak like one.
Second, I have to ask, do you trust him? There are things you write which could swing it either way.
Going to a party could just be to reunite with old friends, but where was the two-year-old child until after midnight?
I can see it was quite chivalrous to offer up his bed for her and the baby, just so long as he wasn't in it too.
Is his ex' local, or was she visiting from out of town? That is a situation that could make a difference.
Personally I feel it was inappropriate to have her stay over while you were out of town. But what can you do about it now?
All I can think of would be to say never again please.
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