A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Last night boyfriend and I were having wine after work at a nice place when a guy my b/f knew sat down next to me and started talking to him. I found him to be completely obnoxious but I tried to join in on their bantering but then the guy asked me if I was a "local girl" I said yes hesitantly, then he point blank asked me if my b/f and I had met "on the street"?! My b/f quickly covered it by saying no, and I was the most beautiful woman he'd ever met, and how lucky was he to have me. The bufoon blew right past that comment and made another snide remark implying that my b/f could do better. I was floored. I sat quietly for a few moments, fuming and stunned. Then I turned to the guy and said, "To answer your question, we met in a band. We did not meet on the street. I am not a hooker, sorry to disappoint you. And by the way, do hookers dress like this these days?" (I had just come from the office and I was wearing business clothing, not a miniskirt and a see-through top!!) The idiot completely ignored my comment and then told my b/f that he just missed seeing him at church that's all. To imply, I must be the whore that stole him away from his church. When in reality we left the church shortly after we met, not because we didn't believe in God but because we got sick of the fake phonies always judging each other. After that, I realized I was going to explode if we continued to talk to this man, so I leaned over and told my b/f I would meet him at home and I left. 20 min. later I had to call my b/f and tell him to get his ass out of there because I was offended and he should at least be supportive and follow me shortly. That doesn't mean you stay there for 2 more hours and drink with this insensitive boob. When my b/f finally left we got into an argument about it. He said he didn't realize I was upset because he's never known me to get mad over anything. He claimed he really didn't hear the guy make the comment to me, (yet he rushed to my defense so that was bullshit). Then he tried to tell me that maybe since we were both from the same town, I must have some kind of "bad history" and that's why the guy made the comment. I was furious. I had never met the guy before that night and I couldn't believe my b/f was siding with him. He later apologized but I have yet to get over the betrayal of the whole evening. Please tell me how I should get past this incident. My b/f used to have the reputation of getting into fist fights to defend a woman's honor. And I did NOT want him to fight the guy, I only wanted him to throw down a $20 and follow me out. I needed to know he was on my side and he wasn't. And that's what hurts the most.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2009): I can understand your hurt and frustration at this incident. I'd like to suggest it is possible this man honed in on you two because he felt he would get what he was looking for: conflict. What do you think would have happened if you perceived the opinions of others as worthless? I know that sounds extreme, but could you replay the entire incident in your mind from a standpoint of you not placing any value in other's opinions of you? Then second, I am concerned, and I realize I'm a hypocrite in saying this, that your bf chooses such company to keep. So is it possible you are angry at yourself for allowing a stranger to treat you this way, allowing yourself to listen to it, and allowing your resources to go to a partner who engages in the same behavior? Is it possible the biggest betrayal was you to yourself?Just thoughts -
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